Doctor Walker Evades a Punch

Dr.  Walker was a Nantucket icon. He was an osteopathic doctor that worked out of his home on Fair Street. I remember ringing his doorbell for my appointment and having his wife answer the door, happily escorting me into the examining room. When I met Dr. Walker he was probably in his late 70s. I think he practiced medicine for 75 years or so. I enjoyed my appointments with him. He was a good old fashion true Osteopath. He spent at least an hour with me each time and he was skilled at the hands on work that differentiates Osteopathic Doctors from Medical Doctors. Dr. Walker was one of my first mentors regarding my own evolution and whole health as well as for my energy body work practice on the island. And, I had the great honor of defending him.

I don't know if Dr. Walker really evaded a physical punch, however I am quite sure some psychic punches had been thrown his way over the years.  One such instance included me when Dr. Walker and I shared a patient/client.

For many people on Nantucket who have been infected, Lyme Disease can be a debilitating life sentence.  In the late 90s I worked with several Lyme clients as well as dealing with my own Lyme symptoms. One afternoon a man of about thirty sat on my body work table, having been out of work as a carpenter for over a year and suffering severe body pain and depression. He told me how he had gone to Dr. Walker and how the doctor had the nerve to tell him that it was all in his head!! My client was livid and insulted! He would never go back to Dr. Walker again. I quickly and delicately explained to my client what Dr. Walker meant by his comment. It was not that Dr. Walker did not believe that this man was in severe pain, it was that Dr. Walker was trying to empower this man to understand that he had more power in the situation than he knew. How this man dealt with resolving his suffering was all in his head, in his power, and in his abilities. It took almost the entire one hour session, but slowly this man began to understand the knowledge and wisdom that Dr. Walker shared with him, even if the man wanted to tell Dr. Walker to, "Get Lost!".

Often in our lives someone tells us something that we instantly want to tell them to, well, "Get Lost!" but perhaps in not such kind terms! We want attention for our pain, for our suffering, for how unfair and unjust the world really is to us. We can always find those friends, those "misery loves company" friends, who will sit with us, and stew with us, and lament over the horrors of it all. There are plenty of them around. Less frequent are the wise, courageous, and truly good friends who love us enough to give us a dose of F' You medicine. I remember telling a friend about a situation in which I got busted by another friend who would not allow me to wallow in my self pity and how angry I was with that friend. The friend I was telling said, "Oh, sounds like you got a good dose of F' You medicine."

My first real dose of F' You medicine came when I was only about six months sober and I was talking outside a support group meeting in Nantucket. I had been treated unfairly, yet again, by the office manager at work. I spent about twenty minutes on a beautiful sunny afternoon complaining to a woman named Jill about this boss. I ranted about all the things that he did to me, how unfair and wrong he was, and I was clearly suffering. I was so engaged in my agony that I couldn't even see a thing in front of me...nothing mattered but what a jerk this guy was. Then Jill spoke up, peppy and happy.

"Oh, sounds like you are making this guy your Higher Power." She smiled lighthearted at me.

In that moment, Jill was evading a psychic punch from me! How dare she?! Didn't she hear a word I was saying?! This guy was wronging me at every turn and all she had to say was something that blamed me for the situation? Why was I even her friend? I had thought she was weird before this, but now I was sure of it!! Me making my boss my Higher Power?! Really, Jill?! ( Higher Power is a term that some people in the 12 Step Recovery programs use instead of God and it refers to some source that is bigger than any individual).

I quickly left Jill's company, because clearly she was a terrible friend. I got in my car and about one block away Jill's words really hit me. Oh yes, she was correct. I had been making this mere human who just happened to be my office manager, my Higher Power. I had turned my control, my power, and my validation over to someone other than myself. That was my choice of actions! My boss wasn't forcing me to surrender my sense of self and focus to him...that was all me. This did not mean that he wasn't sabotaging me at work, because he was and that impact was real. What it meant was that I made myself a victim. I allowed one other person to ruin my day, my sense of integrity in my work, and my joy of working with my co-workers and customers. Jill would not participate in my suffering. She did not bring me a present to my pity party. She loved me that much that she chose to speak up and then evade my punch!!!

I have both received and given F' You medicine to and from friends and to and from people in a professional capacity. It is not always the most comfortable moment, however it is always the most real and the most hopeful. Today could be a first day to begin welcoming in those who refuse to fan the flames of our indignant airs in our choice to be victims to a person or circumstance. Today could be a first day to begin to notice when we get aggravated when someone hands us a book they think we might like, or says something, especially while they are smiling, that cuts our whining to the quick.

Today might also be a first day to love someone else enough to be the distributor of some powerful healing medicine to others, even if the label says, F' You medicine. Just get ready to duck, and evade the punch, trusting the medicine will do its work when the person is ready. Dr. Walker always did.