On Saturday morning I woke up concerned about the hike I was leading for the Vision Quest crew. In July 2013 I will be supporting 6 people on their Vision Quest up in Highland Plantation Maine. (more about that in a future blog) In preparation for this very important life experience, I am taking the group on monthly mountain hikes. Our February hike on Little Mt. Monadnock had to be cancelled due to extreme real feel temperatures of below zero and a fierce wind chill factor. It seemed essential that this trip hike on Saturday happened.
Due to the incoming media-blitzed winter storm projected for Saturday afternoon, I knew I had to choose a hiking trail fairly close by. Mt.Wachusett was the best plan, even though I had limited experience on it. I stayed in the south shore area Friday night, so I was up and driving early Saturday morning to get home on time to meet the crew. I wondered about the incoming storm, the current trail conditions, and the ease of identifying the correct trail. I did not want to be irresponsible in taking a group of people into a storm on a mountain trail system that I was unfamiliar with. I also wanted to be as responsible as possible by choosing a hike that was close enough to home base that we could get out and drive home safely during this snow storm.
Mt. Wachusett matched the need for close proximity to home base, however I was concerned about us getting caught in a snow squall and me not being able to navigate us out, as I did not have a practiced experience of these trails. I did have a trail map and these hikes are well documented. I realized that the trail that I had outlined might not have been the best trail once I saw the darkening sky on my drive home. It was a sky that told one that any outdoor adventure needed to be surrounded with high alert attention. Cloud movement, wind directions, shifting precipitation, and quickly changing temperatures all needed to be felt, watched, and accessed during the entire hike. I needed a challenging trail for the group and yet one that we could readily use to quickly get off the mountain when conditions warranted it. As I drove along thinking in my mind, I began to see an outline.
I am not familiar with the trails on Wachusett, so I had no memory of an alternative trail to the one I chose before I knew about the projected storm. In my mind I saw the shape and approximate location of a trail, and I felt confident that it would be the one. I asked myself and the Universe at large about whether Wachusett was the right place. I felt my answer.
Mt. Wachusett was the mountain for the hike, however I was not to lead the group. I understood that the group was to lead itself. I knew that felt right but my ego brain wanted to resist. To the best of my knowledge, the people in the group had never done a winter hike and some of them had not gone hiking in years. Therefore, the addition of a winter storm concerned me.
As the group gathered at my house and finished preparations for the hike, I found myself alone in my den. I looked over the trail map again and the planned hiking route, unsure of how this would play out. Trust was the base of this important part of the Vision Quest preparation. I was zipping my day pack when one of the Vision Questers came into the den, diverting my attention with hilarious bantering. During our lighthearted exchange, this VQ participant spontaneously told me that Mt. Wachusett was home. It turns out that this one person in the group had spent extensive time on the mountain trails, steeped in its energy! Ahh...Wachusett was the correct hiking mountain and the group would lead the way!!!
I pulled out the trail map that had the highlighted trail that I had planned, but was not comfortable with under the current snow storm watch. As it turned out, this person had been looking at the trail map the night before and concluded that the Mountain House Trail would be best. As this beautiful brilliant person told me this, I looked at the route and realized it was exactly what I had seen in my mind on my drive that morning! I looked it over a few times, expressing my astonishment, "Yes...yes...that is a perfect route. Yes...Mountain House is just perfect...yes...that is the one!"
There I was in my den, on my knees, almost done zipping up my pack, when all residue of concern and fear was blown away. Trust confirmed itself in that moment as I sat, almost dumbfounded, with a powerful Mt. Wachusett Wood Sprite!
Trust is as trust does. With such gratitude, I was humbly surrounded by Trust that day. And in kind, Trust was there for me when I offered my being to believe in it...even just a little.
Let today be a first day for us to begin to trust ourselves, others, Spirit, Creator, God, the collective consciousness, Good Orderly Direction, and the unfolding Soul energy of Perfect Balance and Harmony. Take a walk on the trust side of the street and allow amazing things to happen!
We do have permission and freedom to be happy. And, what is super cool is that we can do it at any time in our lives. YES, at any point in our lives we can do something fun...something that makes us happy. Sometimes it is something that is also life changing. There is a pretty strong truth that these happy moments will lead us to a life that is more authentic to who we are, so we get happy piled on to happy!
Moving away from our old story of ourselves into a new story can feel scary and unsafe...even if it is exactly the path to our happiness. Guess what? All we have to do is give ourselves permission to be happy in one moment. That is right, just one little moment. We don't have to think about how we are going to make ourselves happy for our entire life. We don't have to worry about how we will find happiness every day in a job we don't like, or a gender we aren't comfortable in, or every Friday night of our lives. We have permission now to be happy now in this moment now...just little ol' now.
Let go of the details of the future because that has not happened yet. All that exists is the moment. A moment. In that moment let it be about 5,000 Blessings. In that moment let's look above us, below us, to the left, to the right, in front, behind...are we safe? We are safe...be calm and happy now in this safe moment. When we understand we are safe in the moment in which we are looking up and down and side to side and front to back then each moment following is created in safety, until we choose to be in a moment of non safety.
Imagine standing in a lovely little room and filling that room with robust vital happy feelings. Feel these feelings coming out of you and completely thoroughly filling the entire room with your in the middle of it. Wow! Feels great, right? Now, when you walk towards the door of the room, those feelings stay strong. See yourself put your hand on the door knob. Feel that happiness surrounding you and the contact with the door knob. The door knob is radiating that happiness energy. You turn the knob and pull the door open. As you do so, the robust vital feelings stay surrounding you and move within you. You step over the threshold into the next room. As you do so, you remain in the happiness vibration. The goods feelings now fill the next room where you stand. When you continue to walk through threshold to threshold of your day, of your week, of your life with happy vibration energy in each moment, then you have an accumulation of happy following into happy following into happy. Each next room, each next moment, is happy. From happy comes all those life choices, effortlessly, which align with your Soul Imprint.
Oh yes, we have permission and freedom, to be happy. We have permission to be happy in just this one little teeny moment. This one little teeny moment is the pivotal place from which all the next moments arise.
Today can be a first day to begin filling the room that we find ourselves standing in with happiness. We have permission to just fill this one room. When we leave this one room and walk in to the next one may we know that the happiness in this one moment, in this glowing vibrant room, is the exact energy that we take with us to the next moment, the next room. Happiness is as Happiness Does.
My first Polarity teacher, Diane, made it very clear to us in class that it is very important that we have an ego. And ego keeps us tethered to the planet. This is a good thing as we don't want to be flying off into all sorts of non-gravitational mayhem!
And ego needs reference points on which to stick. We look in the mirror and we say to ourselves things like, "I have brown hair" or "I have green eyes". There are some basic reference points that many of us are comfortable assuming such as height, age, shoe size etc. There are good reasons to have reference points. Reference points tell us a bit of who we are as humans. These reference points help us navigate the social systems such as, "I am a law abiding citizen so I will stop at this red intersection light and wait until it turns green before I step on the gas pedal and drive through the intersection". Or, "I currently am a parent of a little baby who cannot feed herself so I must and will feed her".
We are humans and because of this there are certain reference points that, in general, we all like to live our lives relative to, allowing that different cultures may have some slightly different reference points. As a half Italian/Alberesh woman I find that food is a very important reference point for me. I know who I am relative to my love for good and abundant food. I also know who I am relative to the unexplainable phenomenon
that I try very hard to make only enough soup for the three people that I am making it for, but somehow when I have finished cooking I have two huge pots of soup. When I make a smoothie inevitably I have to scour the neighborhood as a smoothie pusher because instead of one large glass for myself I have managed, yet again, to make an overabundance, and I have five huge smoothies on the counter. I have no idea how this happens! It is a reference point about me and it also helps others to understand me. "Oh, Mama Mia, that Aileen is cooking. Get ready for her to try to pawn off two trays of lasagna on us!!"
There are many reasons why reference points are really good. They help us associate with one another. "I am a soccer player." "Oh, cool, me too!"
They help us make decisions. "I don't have any money with me and therefore, as someone who is honest, I will not steal that can of tuna." or, speaking of a can of tuna, "I have a great sense of comic wit and therefore I will watch the movie My Cousin Vinny tonight."
An example of an identity reference point that is good took place years ago on Mt. Monadnock in New Hampshire. I was an adult chaperone on my daughter's fourth grade field trip off island to hike the mountain. My reference point about myself was that I was athletic and strong, good in emergencies, and capable to perform first aid. This reference point, or attachment to a story about myself, was very helpful on that trip. One of the students had tripped and fallen which led to another chaperone yelling for help. I ran over the rocky terrain from the back of the group to get to the yelling that was coming from the front of the group. I accessed the situation, performed some basic first aid, gave this student a piggy back ride three quarters of the way down, and then finished helping her with the rest of the rescue crew that met up with us, carrying her in a kit down the jagged and narrow trail. This reference point to and about myself enabled me to be a non-anxious presence. My ego truly served a very important purpose in that situation.
There are also reasons why reference points can be "bad". This could be when we assume things about ourselves and others in which we create expectations or beliefs that are not accurate.
This 50s dress is cooler than mine!
I remember being pregnant with my first daughter. Many reference points were yoinked from underneath me. I had been a pretty funky bohemian type dresser in college. I liked having fun with clothes. I had plenty of short skirts and skorts, crazy tights, low ankle suede boots, and a black beret I wore often. When I became pregnant in 1984 the maternity clothes were still looking pretty 1950s. I had a breakdown in the maternity store because I believed that I needed, as a 20 year old, to dress like a "Mother". I actually bought a pink body tent that had a white angled collar and big white neck bow. I was completely confused as to what clothes to wear now that there was a baby growing inside my body!
We also can run into problems with reference points if we hold on to them past their need or appropriateness. I began January of 1984 as a fun loving, going out to the pub and dancing college student. By the end of March of that year I was a married person and by October I was a married person with a newborn baby. I could have stayed attached to my identity as a nineteen year old free and fun college student. My reference points as someone who went to The Pub or happy hour at Delano's or even rode my bicycle late at night from a waitressing job in town to a retail job at the mall and then back again to work the bar until close were no longer viable. I had no reference points for a while and my identity hung in limbo. It would have been "bad" had I refused to release my pre-married and pre-baby identity and reference points. In that situation I would have been nursing my child after drinking a few pints of Bass Ale, coming home at 1 a.m. and being hungover for the next day. This is not something that I wanted for my daughter. I had to change who I thought I was and that was difficult on such short notice!
Believe it or not, reference points can get very "Ugly" and by this I mean really painful and damaging. When a child comes into this world and has a self identity and related reference points which are contrary to the social views or norms, this can lead to a long life of personal trauma.
When people have a strong perception of who they are and what they do, if these things are taken away from them due to an accident, an illness, an intense change such as divorce, job loss, or aging, they can feel a hopeless and helpless loss. They may feel there is no reason to continue living. Pema Chodron wrote a beautiful book that begins when her husband came home one day and told her that he was divorcing her. When Things Fall Apart is a valuable resource to deal with the "ugly" part of reference points. When we lose all sense of who we are, what is safe, what is real, and deeply question how the world works, there are three paths we can take: 1. Leave 2. Block feelings through several methods 3. Transform.
Her book gently offers wisdom to take what is behind door number 3 and Transform our lives into a more authentic experience.
Regardless of which path one takes during a traumatic reference point change, deep sorrow and suffering will occur.
I remember years ago hearing about the suicide death of a recently retired Episcopal minister. He had been an active parish minister his entire life and in his mid 80s he retired from active ministry. His friends and family noticed how despondent he became, and quite quickly. Within three months he killed himself. This clearly is when our attachment to reference points and self identity gets ugly.
When young people injure themselves and consider (or complete) suicide because they are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgendered or they don't fit a generalized norm of gender roles or identity, this also is clearly a response to the ugly side of social reference points and identity.
Any time we use external reference points to shame ourselves, hide ourselves, and/or injure ourselves, our reference points to who we are and how we relate to the world are inaccurate and need some serious life saving modifications.
Today could be a wonderful first day to begin looking at our self identity and the reference points that we use to know who we and who others are in our lives. Are we super attached to something about ourselves? Are we indescribably attached to others? Do we engage in the world based on authentic freedom or are we looking around for reference points that then we use to tell us who we are or who we should be?
Today is a great opportunity to look at the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of our own reference points as well as those that we uphold for others and society at large. Perhaps it is time to make some changes to the reference points of humanity...let's do it!
WHAT are we doing here? What ARE we doing here? What are WE doing here? What are we DOING here? And, lastly...what are we doing HERE?!
It is inevitable that each one of us will ask this question of ourselves and perhaps of humanity or even the Universe.
I remember asking the crazy making question that many of us pondered...What was there before God was there? Who made God? Where did God come from?
Each time someone tried to answer, I would just ask the same question using different words. It seemed that no matter how intelligent a person thought that their answer was to me, I just wasn't buying into it.
As I moved away from relying on my family and systems of origin stories, I asked more and more questions. I asked about Time, What is Real, Perspective and Objective versus Subjective, Relativity, Do I Matter, and probably the entire list of deep mysteries which, will never be answered.
Why am I here? That brings us to who and what am I to begin with it, and then is there even a beginning as energy never dies...it always exists and as an energetic wave pattern of form, all that is me always was and always will be. But, ah, what about my consciousness and ability to perceive things. Oh geez, which pill did I take this day - the red pill or the blue pill?
We wonder what is the reason, the purpose, the life mission, the goal for our existence? Some people believe there is none of these and that all of life is random. Some people believe we are here from other planets or dimensions. Some people believe in reincarnation, or that there is a Heaven or Hell that we find ourselves in after we die, or that there is an afterlife situation when we leave this life.
Can we ever really know? So many books and movies of fiction and non-fiction challenge us to consider the Mystery and then investigate the possibilities. What did we know and how did we know it? What do we want to know? How do we know what we know? Even the journey into those questions can be a long arduous one in which we find ourselves, when we open up our eyes, to be chasing our own tails!
So, what do we do with all these unanswered questions? What is our focus of our life when we want some sort of security, some sort of direction, some really clear path, to knowing we have not wasted our life. Or, if we mess up in this one do we get another? Or is there even such thing as messing up? Oh no! It is a slippery slope my friends of unending questions...just how deep does that rabbit hole go?
HHmmm....what if we do what my A Number 1 super therapist of five sessions told me in 1987. As I told her about all the open ended unknowings of my past...questioning what was and is real, she looked calmly and loving at me.
"Aileen, what if you never find out? What if you never know the answer of what happened?" She waited to let that all settle in for moment. She continued on, "Can you live each day with the truth that you may never know? Can you let go of the need to know and just be present in each moment of what is happening today?"
I felt relieved. I was given permission to put all the questions aside...all the mystery...all the unknowing. I could, in fact, just enjoy my life. In the meantime of not knowing the answers, I could just live. I could laugh, and love, and just engage in each moment without knowing anything bigger than the moment itself.
Why are we here? Who or what was here before the Universe started? How do I know I am real and not some play set doll of some giant person? Where do I go after here or am I already simultaneously living parallel lives in other dimensions?
Well, until I know those answers (which I don't expect I ever will)... in the meantime, I think I will go out to lunch with my friend Sue and laugh and cry and be hilariously funny together just until the Official World Decreed "This is What It Is All About" book comes out. I probably will even be having lots of fun in the meantime, until it comes out in a Cliff Note version or a movie.
I can remember hearing the "garage band" down the street of our New Jersey cul-de-sac play this song. I was about four years old and I could feel the vibrant energy of both the song and the adolescent torment and desire! There was something so energizing about it all.
Today, Valentines Day, can be a first day to begin feeling that energy again. When was the last time we did some sort of head banging to some profound rhythmic music? (Okay, I actually remember that from a few years ago and then I woke up the next day and seriously couldn't move my neck for two days! But...it was worth it!) Or grabbed a few buckets of paint and watched our wildly artistic essence of passion come into colorful form on a canvas or a wall? When did we firmly take hold of our lover and treat her/him to an incredibly thrilling sensual experience...whip cream? massage oil? body paints?
When was the last time we looked at our partner or thought of a potential love interest and felt all fired up?
Whose fire do we light and who do we allow to light our fire?
What are you going to do, today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life to bring the fire passion of LOVE into your day? Into your body? Into your intention for adventure?
We all have stories of passion, I hope. What if YOU don't? By golly! If you haven't lived passion yet...if the embers of your fire are low...STOKE THOSE WITHERING LOW SIZZLERS!!!
What gets YOUR fire burning?! What makes YOUR flames explode into a bonfire of epic proportion?
DO IT! Throw some logs of lovin' into your wood stove and heat it up!!!
Go dancing! Wear 5 inch heels! Write a love song and jam those guitar strings! Buy flowers and make your own inspired bouquet for you or some other love! Get that poetry vibe out and slam some lover's psyche with your powerful words!
Call in Creative Life Force energy and LET IT RIP!!! TEAR DOWN THE HOUSE of BORING!!! Watch the fears of not good enough....afraid to love who you truly love...embarrassment and shame of who you truly, beautifully, sensually are...all crash and burn!!!
Bring in the TANTRIC!
Comeon Baby, Light YOUR fire! Give some lighting and get some lighting..the fires of passion await your permission to excite your life! Let's see it and feel it FIRE UP YOUR LIFE!!!
Dr. Walker was a Nantucket icon. He was an osteopathic doctor that worked out of his home on Fair Street. I remember ringing his doorbell for my appointment and having his wife answer the door, happily escorting me into the examining room. When I met Dr. Walker he was probably in his late 70s. I think he practiced medicine for 75 years or so. I enjoyed my appointments with him. He was a good old fashion true Osteopath. He spent at least an hour with me each time and he was skilled at the hands on work that differentiates Osteopathic Doctors from Medical Doctors. Dr. Walker was one of my first mentors regarding my own evolution and whole health as well as for my energy body work practice on the island. And, I had the great honor of defending him.
I don't know if Dr. Walker really evaded a physical punch, however I am quite sure some psychic punches had been thrown his way over the years. One such instance included me when Dr. Walker and I shared a patient/client.
For many people on Nantucket who have been infected, Lyme Disease can be a debilitating life sentence. In the late 90s I worked with several Lyme clients as well as dealing with my own Lyme symptoms. One afternoon a man of about thirty sat on my body work table, having been out of work as a carpenter for over a year and suffering severe body pain and depression. He told me how he had gone to Dr. Walker and how the doctor had the nerve to tell him that it was all in his head!! My client was livid and insulted! He would never go back to Dr. Walker again. I quickly and delicately explained to my client what Dr. Walker meant by his comment. It was not that Dr. Walker did not believe that this man was in severe pain, it was that Dr. Walker was trying to empower this man to understand that he had more power in the situation than he knew. How this man dealt with resolving his suffering was all in his head, in his power, and in his abilities. It took almost the entire one hour session, but slowly this man began to understand the knowledge and wisdom that Dr. Walker shared with him, even if the man wanted to tell Dr. Walker to, "Get Lost!".
Often in our lives someone tells us something that we instantly want to tell them to, well, "Get Lost!" but perhaps in not such kind terms! We want attention for our pain, for our suffering, for how unfair and unjust the world really is to us. We can always find those friends, those "misery loves company" friends, who will sit with us, and stew with us, and lament over the horrors of it all. There are plenty of them around. Less frequent are the wise, courageous, and truly good friends who love us enough to give us a dose of F' You medicine. I remember telling a friend about a situation in which I got busted by another friend who would not allow me to wallow in my self pity and how angry I was with that friend. The friend I was telling said, "Oh, sounds like you got a good dose of F' You medicine."
My first real dose of F' You medicine came when I was only about six months sober and I was talking outside a support group meeting in Nantucket. I had been treated unfairly, yet again, by the office manager at work. I spent about twenty minutes on a beautiful sunny afternoon complaining to a woman named Jill about this boss. I ranted about all the things that he did to me, how unfair and wrong he was, and I was clearly suffering. I was so engaged in my agony that I couldn't even see a thing in front of me...nothing mattered but what a jerk this guy was. Then Jill spoke up, peppy and happy.
"Oh, sounds like you are making this guy your Higher Power." She smiled lighthearted at me.
In that moment, Jill was evading a psychic punch from me! How dare she?! Didn't she hear a word I was saying?! This guy was wronging me at every turn and all she had to say was something that blamed me for the situation? Why was I even her friend? I had thought she was weird before this, but now I was sure of it!! Me making my boss my Higher Power?! Really, Jill?! ( Higher Power is a term that some people in the 12 Step Recovery programs use instead of God and it refers to some source that is bigger than any individual).
I quickly left Jill's company, because clearly she was a terrible friend. I got in my car and about one block away Jill's words really hit me. Oh yes, she was correct. I had been making this mere human who just happened to be my office manager, my Higher Power. I had turned my control, my power, and my validation over to someone other than myself. That was my choice of actions! My boss wasn't forcing me to surrender my sense of self and focus to him...that was all me. This did not mean that he wasn't sabotaging me at work, because he was and that impact was real. What it meant was that I made myself a victim. I allowed one other person to ruin my day, my sense of integrity in my work, and my joy of working with my co-workers and customers. Jill would not participate in my suffering. She did not bring me a present to my pity party. She loved me that much that she chose to speak up and then evade my punch!!!
I have both received and given F' You medicine to and from friends and to and from people in a professional capacity. It is not always the most comfortable moment, however it is always the most real and the most hopeful. Today could be a first day to begin welcoming in those who refuse to fan the flames of our indignant airs in our choice to be victims to a person or circumstance. Today could be a first day to begin to notice when we get aggravated when someone hands us a book they think we might like, or says something, especially while they are smiling, that cuts our whining to the quick.
Today might also be a first day to love someone else enough to be the distributor of some powerful healing medicine to others, even if the label says, F' You medicine. Just get ready to duck, and evade the punch, trusting the medicine will do its work when the person is ready. Dr. Walker always did.
A few weeks ago I decided the theme for the Spiritual Group that I am a grateful part of would be to Count Our Blessings. Could we, within the hour+, come up with five thousand things that we were grateful for in our lives. We prepared with a big Post-It flip chart pad. I asked the group if they thought it was possible to come up with five thousand blessings. Most people were optimistic but unsure of how we could get it all down on paper. We came up with a plan; two writers, the group divided in two, and permission to shout out any and all thoughts. It was magnificent!
Everyone began shouting things that first were on their minds - friends, family, and anything they noticed in the room. Then it became a perfect and hilarious psychology drill with each person following up on what they heard from another. "Volcanoes!" "Lava!" "Hawaii!" "Islands"... "Shoes!" "Shoe laces!" "Boots!" "Socks!" "Wool socks!"
There also were the words that had multiple blessings assigned to them. "Shirley Temple!" "The drink AND the person!" "Lamb chops!" "The puppet AND the food!"
We tore through the many many things that we were grateful for with such grand enthusiasm. There were repeats, like chocolate. And there was minute breaking down of things like vitamins in general, and then each vitamin listed with true honor...B1, B2, B3, B6, B12...and on it all went.
We took turns selectively listening to our groups and then writing them down as fast as we could. Sometimes the groups would play off of each other, one person in one group hearing someone in the other group throwing out a word and then each group, racing to shout out as many related blessings as we could. On occasion someone would point out, "We got that one already - oranges are on our list...both the food and the color!"
We laughed, and thought, and created, and filled the room with massive gratitude. We noted that money and sex and a few others came later on in our lists than we would have expected. We were amazed, when it came down to really creating this list of five thousand blessings, that there were truly so many things that we were grateful for..mangoes, theater, grass, contact lenses, friends, oceans, orgasms, computers, swimming, stuffed animals, cotton, education, vacations, laughter, soccer..yes...the list is endless! We filled five flip chart pieces of paper and lined the walls with them. Once the hour was over we sat back and just relaxed into the energy of what we were doing...together.
We reviewed the list and the activity within our own minds and hearts, and then we reflected out loud and together what that experience was like...counting our blessings.
We moved the blessings to surround us at lunch. Laughing still and commenting on what came out of us. The most profound awakening that we all had, together, that day was that in our daily living one thing can upset us. Just one thing can happen to us that brings us in to a state of anger, frustration, fear, of lack. Just one little thing, like a driver cutting us off, or a someone didn't call us back, or we spilled tomato juice on a new white shirt, and that one little thing can take our brains and block our ability to see and know the five thousand blessings that truly are ours!!! We laughed at the silliness of this falsehood! With five thousand blessings surrounding us everyday, how could one little event cause us to turn our thoughts and hearts into scarcity and lack, when abundance and gifts are our every breath?
For your 5,000 Blessings!!!
Today could be a first day to begin a life of knowing our five thousand blessings. There are alot more than five thousand blessings for each of us. Perhaps we can use our attention and energy to radiate the TRUE KNOWLEDGE that our existence IS Blessings...every moment, every breath, every experience, every incident...loaded with Blessings. Today, pay attention to the Blessings...feel them, and know that YOU are one of them!
One lovely fall day I was the passenger in a car with my ex-husband and my two daughters. We were driving in a family car parade to my nephew's town recreation soccer game. My sister was in the front car, followed by my father in his car, and then us bringing up the rear.
It was an unusual set up as my father was not often an attendee of these events and although my ex and I are good friends, we didn't often go to an event of my niece or nephews together. As I completely love family and the times when we can get together, I was very happy. As we drove to the game I began talking about my profound understanding of physics. I chatted about vibration, fluidity, flow, unlimited possibilities, and the collective unconscious. I had always loved physics and now it felt as if my entire being truly understood it. From this conversation and my ex's total annoyance with me,that the next phase of experiencing and knowing "it" arrived.
I was talking at almost light speed, no doubt, about the collective consciousness as an energy wave. I had come to realize that humans had the ability to participate more fully in the collective consciousness if we chose to put our attention and intention to knowing it. I could sense that I had lost my ex's attention, however I was on a roll, and when a wacky scientist is on a roll...we are having the best time of our lives and we are pretty much not aware of our surroundings!
Somehow my stream of consciousness enthusiastic rantings brought my ex to ask me this question, "So, do you mean that you believe that someone could, for no reason, come up to you and hand you a check for two thousand dollars?!"
I took his question, as challenging as he was to my beliefs, quite seriously. I remember how intensely I thought about this concept. Did I really believe, based on my investigations and theories, that someone could, for no reason, just hand me a check for two thousand dollars. I followed my thinking. I felt the energy flow of that possibility.
"Yes" I replied quite confidently. "Yes, I do believe that someone could come up to me and give me a check for two thousand dollars for no reason." The conviction I felt in my body claiming that belief truly felt powerful. It felt as if I was saying something that I had known forever and now, finally, with such centered confidence, I could say it out loud. "As long as I believe it could happen" I continued. "I am the only one who limits what happens in my life."
His reaction was somewhat predictable. "For crying out loud! You're ridiculous!" I could see how annoyed he was with my answer. This was a good thing for I was untouched by his reaction. I was so sure of what I had said and what I had come to know as true that no matter how ridiculous he told me that my thinking was, I was unaffected.
Ten minutes later we were pulling in to the parking lot at the fields. My sister pulled up close to the gate. My father drove to the right and parked and our car turned into a spot on the left opposite my father.
My car unloaded and as we were walking towards the field, my father, instead of coming to meet us to walk with us, called to me, "Aileen, come here for a minute."
I told my children and the ex that I would meet them at the field. I curiously approached my father.
"You know Aileen" he began, standing next to his car, "you never ask me for anything."
"That's right, Dad, I don't" I answered.
Oddly, there are a few images on the web for a $2,000 check. This is one of them. Thank you Alex Haley for writing this one in 1989 that I could use on my blog.
"Well, I have given things to your sister and your brother and so I'd like to give you something." He pulled out his checkbook and began writing. He finished and handed me a check...Two Thousand Dollars!!! I thanked him, he smiled and hugged me, and we walked together to the soccer field where, yes, I waved that two thousand dollar check in front of my ex with a joyful "I told you so" attitude.
My belief in energy vibrations and waves was challenged by my ex-husbands calling it out in the moment. It was an invaluable opportunity for me to truly own my knowing. I grew my Spiritual and Physics muscles when I answered myself and then my ex-husband. It was perfect that the "muscle" of my convictions drew to me a two thousand dollar check for no reason, just as I had confirmed could and would happen should I let go of my limited belief that it never could or would. All of that intensive vibrational alignment, powerful confident energy, and receiving of what I resonated in and from my Being happened in about ten minutes. (our linear time system)
Today could be a first day to begin looking truly at what skepticism we have about the possibilities in our lives. Let's catch ourselves when we begin to say to ourselves and others, "You're ridiculous!" when we get scared about a possibility. When we snuff out the burning flame of possibility we impede ourselves, others, and humanity.
Today is a day to receive something wonderful, for no reason.
After a tough relationship break up I bought an inspiring book called Your Heart's Desire: Instructions to Creating the Life You ReallyWant by Sonia Choquette. http://www.soniachoquette.net/ . It is a wonderful workbook that reminded me of some of the concepts that I had learned many years prior with the Abraham- Hicks work http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php . All of these ideas involve understanding the flow and movement of energy as well as the blocks that we may have that can keep us from enjoying abundant flow in our lives. Sonia's book was filled with her personal experiences of receiving things that she attracted to her. I bought the book because of the title. Little did I know how much it would change my life.
I was as still recovering from the breakup and had gone to the pick up soccer league in town. It was all men, and that was comfortable for me as I grew up playing soccer with all boys. Half way through the game both of my thighs began to burn and sting. I had no idea what could be wrong. I could barely walk. I did not want to draw attention to myself however I needed to leave the game. I never left a game unfinished so it would be odd any way that I tried to scoot out. During the halftime of the game I grabbed my watch and acted surprised, telling everyone that I had forgotten a commitment that I had made so I had to leave. I put on my shoes and tried to walk without hobbling to my car. I could not believe how much pain I was in. And that is how *IT* all began, leaving a pick up soccer game early because my legs hurt so bad and I could barely walk.
I felt bad for myself. Okay, I was throwing myself the biggest, best pity party imaginable. Then I remembered Sonia's great book. Why didn't I create something that I wanted, right then and there? I sure wanted a man to rub my legs so they would feel better. I verified and told the Universe what I wanted. a man to be at my house when I got home who would rub my legs. Half of my brain laughed out loud at how ludicrous that was as I could not think of a single man that I knew that could be available for such a thing. Heck I didn't even know that many men in general as I had just moved to the mainland three years prior to this moment.
I walked to my car and my eyes started to tear up. Most of my head was chanting the affirmation, "There will be a man at my house when I get home to rub my legs." Then there was that little, but very intense voice saying, "You're an idiot! You seriously think there will be a man at your house? You don't even know any men!" And the louder my affirmation got, the louder and nastier the opposite voice got, "You are terrible at relationships...you're such a loser..." but I hung in there. After all, Sonia told me that IT would show up, whatever I wanted. I was able to silence that "Debbie Downer" part of my brain and concentrate on a man being at my house when I got there to rub my legs.
I cried half way home and when I entered the house my children had friends over and they all wanted to know why I was home so early. I answered briefly and went to my room. I did not entirely give up because there was no man at my house. I just kept believing! No matter what, I was going to give this believing in things strategy a chance to work.
I was lying in my bed when the phone rang. It hurt my legs to even lean up and answer it. My mother was calling.
"Have you spoken with Peter lately?" she asked.
"No Mom" I replied, "Why?"
She told me about seeing his picture on the front of the local newspaper while he was at a town farm with his daughter. I quickly got off the phone with her because my legs hurt so bad an I really didn't want anyone to know. Then the phone rang again. It was my friend Peter.. He called to ask what I was up to. Having played soccer with Peter as one of the neighborhood boys that I grew up playing soccer with, I asked him his advice about my painful legs.
"I will be over there in five minutes to rub your legs", he said. I could not believe what I was hearing!!
"Pete, how is that possible?!" I questioned him. Peter worked in town. "You live almost an hour away and it is 7:30 p.m."
He explained that he has taken the afternoon off to be with his daughter so he had to go back to work and put in the hours.
Within forty five minutes of stating my desire, it was there! There was a man in my house rubbing my legs and it felt just as good as I had hoped!
Today is a good first day to begin seeing what we want in our life and through authentic and happy energy it will arrive. Enjoy the abundance that will fall right into your life, if you just believe IT can happen!
How are we in relationship with others? How do we live a fulfilled authentic life while in relationship with others?
Not always easy to do this relationship thing. The terrific news is that now is the time to probably change all that you thought you knew about relationships. Now is the time to unhook.
So often we learned to do some funky things with our energy regarding relationships. Imagine you, standing tall and filled with a stream of energy. That is your energy that you channel from the Universe, Life Force, or whatever you want to name it. When we get in relationship we often get distracted from nourishing ourselves first with this vital Life Force. We look out at everyone else around us and then we try to figure out what they want from us. We try to nourish them and care-take them. When we do this we leak our Life Force energy out of our amazing powerful stream of energy and put it out there, like tentacles, to try to attach to others. We also try to feed others from our own direct line, hoping that then they will either be ours, we will be accepted by them, or we can somehow keep them safe.
Everyone has their own stream of energy and everyone must figure out how to plug themselves in to the Universal Life Force. This Energy Source is always available by the way...we just can just have an understanding that we always receive it. It is disempowering to others if we try to do it for anyone but ourselves. It gets messy because then we have all these energy lines crisscrossing and causing overloads! Who is attached to whom and why? People can get overwhelmed, confused, needy, and frustrated with all their energy bleeding out to everyone around them.
Keep it clean! Let's keep our energy stream aligned and healthy. We can do this by having fun, being proud of ourselves, smiling for others to see, living our passion, experiencing and engaging in the world authentically as us. We must be sure that we are charged up. Feel our inner strength. Notice what it feels like in our body. Carry that connection with ourselves in every moment. We can go to those places and be with those people who resonate with our highest vibrational energy. Life Force Energy is every where and everyone. We just should be sure that we are being filled and animated by it. In doing this, other people's ability to find their energetic connection will be triggered. There is no need, then, to enmesh ourselves with another. Everyone has access to Life Force Energy at all times.
That is how we unhook from our ego needs to hook into others. When we lose who we are, what we love, enjoyment of our own unique passions, and try to fill in to meet the needs of others, we are hooked! We are the only ones who can unhook. We can pay attention to when our tentacles reach out to others and we limit our joy, happiness, and sense of settled peace because we are hooked in and caretaking others. We unhook ourselves, then we empower others. Believe in them to be well, and they will be. Unhook and fly!
As years went by and I experienced more wonderful, loving, and incredible interactions between clients and their dead family and friends, I wanted to be sure I wasn't just reading their vibrations of what they wanted. I wondered how I could confirm that I was, in "fact", being a medium and/or channel for people who had died.
Enter, California Bonnie.
I was on a Rudolph Steiner listserv and Bonnie popped on asking us to look at her artwork. I finally did and we became email friends.
A few days into our emailing I saw a woman in my mind. I knew she was Bonnie's mother. I asked Bonnie if her mother was dead. She was surprised and told me that she was alive. I was very confused. I knew my stuff, so to speak, and from everything I had experienced talking with dead people, this was in fact Bonnie's mother. I also had to believe her when she told me that her mother was not dead!
So I explored the possibilities. I described the woman I saw in great detail. Bonnie could not remember anyone looking like that, especially as I saw this woman in a very late 1950s early 60s style. I asked if she was adopted as perhaps it was her birth mother. No. I asked if she had any aunts that felt like a mother to her. No. Was there anyone at all from her entire life that she may have considered a mother or that looked even a little like I described. No. She kept trying to find the answer with me. She was a good sport. The only thing I could tell her was that I saw a woman that is her mother. There was something unusual about this dead woman - she didn't talk to me. Every dead person that I saw was moving, smiling, talking, and I felt powerful warmth and love. This woman did none of those things. This woman just stood still and stared at me with just the slightest animation to her body.
Bonnie and I began our email relationship in the month of November and it waned by the middle of January. In the beginning of February I received a curt email from her. "What did you say that woman looked like again?" and then she described the image of the woman that I shared with her months before.
"Yes" I wrote back to her and I added some details like the necklace and the up curve to her black hair. I asked if everything was okay. It took Bonnie two days to respond - her mother just died suddenly in her sleep. When Bonnie went to the house that morning, there on the mantel was a picture of her mother exactly as I had described her. Bonnie hoped that I had more information about her mother. We talked on the phone and she asked if I could I see her mother, could I hear her, and talk with her? I could do none of those things. Her mother did not appear for me at that time and never since.
I often wondered what more I could have done for Bonnie and for her mother. I told her what I knew to the best of my ability. It was years later that I thought that perhaps the experience, in some part, was for me to receive an answer for my skepticism. Bonnie had no idea that her mother was going to die, so I could not have been "reading" her thoughts about her mother. She also did not recognize the image of her mother that I had seen so I also was not "reading" her thoughts on that either. She sent me the obituary so I was sure that her mother did die.
Living in the Mystery is an exciting way to experience life. During this expanding New Paradigm shift many of us will have more opportunities to be in the Mystery, in the Unknowing, and in the Understanding. Yes, sometimes it can be scary and we just want to be regular, however, as my first mentor pointed out, 1. No we don't and 2. It is too late!
A dear friend asked if I would write about my experiences with people who have died. There are too many for this blog so I will just write about what first happened to me and how I tested my skepticism. (or rather the Universe answered my skepticism!)
And yes, Darby Fassett, this blog is for you! "Don't be Body Prejudice!"
I was raised Catholic and assumed there was a Heaven and dreaded that there was a hell. My best friend died of leukemia during the summer that we both were going in to sixth grade. Over the years grandparents and a great grandmother died. Upon reflection, I never felt that they had "gone" anywhere. I felt very close to them all and chatting fairly regularly with them. This was not unusual behavior for me as I chatted with just about anyone or anything! I never gave much thought to what had happened to these people that I loved. They just weren't around to hug and be hugged. The rest of the relationships seemed fairly intact.
Years later I had done the work to be certified as a Polarity Therapy Practitioner (http://www.polaritytherapy.org/). I received energy body work, and also supported people by working with them as an energy body work practitioner. I was beginning my practice in Nantucket and seeing a few clients a week, all by word of mouth. A man who I had never met before came to see me as a referral from another client. During the session I could not shake the image in my mind of an old woman with an old man standing behind her and further behind them was a dog. I saw them moving slightly and smiling. I felt so happy connecting to them. I wondered who these people were and why they were images in my mind.
Finally, I just asked them in my mind who they were. And, to my surprise, and yet it felt so normal, they answered me. They told me that they were his parents and that they were dead. The looked so old so my first reaction response was, "You can't be his parents! You are too old!" They answered that he was the baby and they had him when they were older. I still thought they were too old and suggested that they may be his grandparents. No, they insisted they were his parents and that they loved him very much. As soon as they shared that with me, I felt a warmth of love that I had never experienced before. My eyes teared up as I benefited from being in the middle of this flow of complete pure Love! It was radiant!
I decided to ask the client if he knew of anyone who fit the descriptions that I was about to give him. I detailed the woman and the man. Yes, he knew them as they were his parents and they had died. His mother died first and then his father. I blurted out, "But they look so old! They must be your grandparents!" Like his parents, he corrected me and told me the same story about him being the baby, and them giving birth when they were old. I was still absorbed in the energy flow coming from them to him, however it was beginning to wane. Anxiety started to enter my body as I realized what had just happened.
I quickly ushered him out of the house but before I closed the door on him I just had to ask. "Do you know this dog?" and I described her in detail.
He responded with great affection, "Oh yes! That is my dog and she died six months ago!"
Out the door he went and upstairs I went, to my room, and under my covers. I began sobbing and yelling at the Universe! "I won't do it! DO NOT make me see dead people!! This is NOT going to happen! I refuse!"
I worried, was this going to be me? Would I frighten my clients?!
The next day I saw my mentor. All I could say was, "I just want to be regular!"
He answered calmly, " Number one, no you don't. Number two, it's too late."
Many dead people came to me when I was working with clients. I was not comfortable with their visits, although they were always filled with love, messages, and even advice for their family and friends who were there with me. I began to wonder if I was actually talking to the consciousness of the people who died or perhaps it was the alive family or friend who was giving off images and thoughts that they wanted to hear. Maybe I was picking up on that. True to the way my world works, the Universe gave me my answer.
(stay tuned for the second half on tomorrow's blog!)
Most of us grew up in families and social systems that told us what we needed to do and what we should do to be accepted. Abraham Maslow created a theory of how humans react and behave based on our needs and the role society plays in us having these needs met.
One of the most important aspects of humans getting their needs met is that we often rely on the egos of the humans around us. Who hasn't worked for or known someone who worked for some really atrocious boss who is horribly behaved in general and then dysfunctional sometimes to the point of serious abuse? And yet some how we put up with it usually because we must have a few of Maslow's theory needs met.
In family systems, educational systems, work systems, religious systems, and any group we find ourselves in, we often become disempowered. We turn our power, our sense of value, and our confidence over to someone else's judgement. We make decisions from our conditioning of what the group designates that makes us successful. We live only within the criteria of that group context. We can be rewarded for pleasing the authorities of that group or we can be punished by the system for not behaving according to the rules that were established.
That unhealthy and limited way of living is part of the old paradigm. We no longer need to turn our happiness over to something other than the Truth of ourselves. The good news is here!
Now it is the time to become familiar with and to trust our own knowing. This knowing can be called "Intuition". What exactly is intuition? Hard to say. Perhaps it is a profound seeing from the third eye chakra. Maybe it is a higher consciousness. It could even be a connection to wisdom from another dimension. I don't think it matters what it is or where it comes from. I believe getting in tuned, literally, with it is all that matters. How do we know which is our intuition and which is our ego talking to us? Eeekgads...should we really always listen to and act from our intuition?
Yes, our intuition is pretty amazing and guides us all towards a functional happier life experience. Will we always listen and act from our intuition? Probably not, however our intuition is not offended and it doesn't shut down and go away! We will always learn, if we choose to, what resistance and blocks we have to fully enjoying our life if we pay attention to our intuition and when we use it as well as when we don't!
A few years ago I was racing out the door to get to a client and I
was already late from the start. Once in the car I saw that I needed gas
immediately. As I was driving up to the four way intersection in my
town that has three gas stations on four of the corners, I heard a very
strong intuitive voice tell me get gas from the first gas station on the
left. Typically I didn't go to this gas station because the gas is up to ten cents more expensive per gallon. My intuition was
incredibly direct that I should go to that gas station, however I didn't
want to deal with waiting for the possible traffic that I may have to cross over to get there. There might
be a green light for the folks across the way or lots of cars coming
from the yield sign turn that allows cars to continually cruise across
the entrance way to the gas station. So, anticipating that I would have
to wait due to cars that may come across my path and bar my speedy entrance to the station, I completely ignored my intuition as I projected
that I would surely have to wait. I zoomed past the station on the
left, across the intersection and made a smooth left turn into the
cheaper gas station that was usually easy to get into. I hopped out of
the car and swiped my debit card. Hhhmmm..."see the attendant" so I
grabbed another card and swiped..."see the attendant". The grump started to well up inside me. I stomped into the building and into a
line. Didn't these people know I was in a hurry?!
Apparently
not. There were three people in front of me at the counter and a few
lined up against the wall near the front door. Finally it was my turn.
"I would like 20 dollars on" I had to turn back to figure out what pump number I had saddled up to, "five...pump number five."
The young woman behind the counter smiled and said the unbelievable, "Oh, I am sorry, We have no gas."
I laughed. "What?"
She kept smiling, "We have no gas. It should be here soon, though."
What was this, the 70s?!?! How was it possible that at 10 a.m. there could be no gas at the gas station!
Then
I realized I was busted! My fabulous intuition was right on it when I
left my house and realized I needed gas. My amazing ability to tune in
beyond the three dimensions was all on board and telling me exactly
which gas station to go to but I completely talked myself out of
following my intuition! I was projecting what might happen.
I was in scarcity not wanting to pay any extra per gallon! Standing in the gas-less gas station I reviewed what happened when I
actually drove by the gas station I was told to use. Truth? It was
completely traffic free at that time and I could have easily crossed
over the lanes to pull in!And the price of the gas? Only one cent more per gallon!
Today make a commitment to not only hear and feel your intuition but to use it! When others are pushing their agendas on you find out what that feels like in your body. Begin to recognize what YOUR TRUTH feels like and when you are in fear mode. We people please assuming that if we don't. we won't get out needs met! Consider believing that the BEST way to get your needs met is by relying on your higher self and the language of intuition that we all have access to knowing. Today is a great day to begin!
I am not familiar with the trails on Wachusett, so I had no memory of an alternative trail to the one I chose before I knew about the projected storm. In my mind I saw the shape and approximate location of a trail, and I felt confident that it would be the one. I asked myself and the Universe at large about whether Wachusett was the right place. I felt my answer. 
