The Sham I Am

I am not sure when I first heard the phrase, The Sham I Am. It may have been in the rooms of 12 Step Recovery Programs. Over the years I have heard many people share with me their fears that, "Today", as a good friend expressed to me, "they will find out what a fraud I am."

I am not sure if I have ever felt Imposter Syndrome as I have always done jobs that I felt fairly competent about succeeding at doing. I did gracefully brush past the truth during a hiring interview with the office manager at Nantucket Electric Company back in the late 80s. He asked me if I was comfortable working with computers. As I had never worked with a computer before, I suppose I justified my uncommitted nodding because, well, I didn't know if I was comfortable or not. I was slightly panicked the first day of work however, within in a short span of time, I became very comfortable with the computer. This was not Imposter Syndrome as much as it was fudging the truth, a smidge, to get a job.

Another time I can remember feeling anxious about a job I was doing was when my supervisor at a nursing home in which I worked was acting odd around me. She began to act nervously and then asked me to stop in on my day off. I felt insecure in my job because of it, and projected that I was going to be fired. Perhaps this was close to Imposter Syndrome but I think it was more "I Always Seem To Get In Trouble" syndrome. We met in a hallway when I "stopped in", and then she asked me to follow her. She was nervous and walked quickly. We arrived at a door in another part of the building. She opened it and we walked in. In front of me was a table filled with people, two of whom I recognized as the CEO and the head of Human Resources. I instantly thought, "They called all these people in to fire me?!"

Of course I was not being fired. I stepped in to a marketing and reward based program for employees. I was the first recipient of the Employee of the Quarter award. I received a plaque, one hundred dollars, my name starting off a community plaque, and my picture with the CEO taken and posted in the local papers.

Over the years I have been surprised at the amount of people who worry almost daily that they will be "found"out. Imposter Syndrome is a real issue; http://www.iupui.edu/~upngo/documents/UpnGo_IS%20Dr%20Gibau.pdf

It is so very important that each of us understands the energetic truth that all things are neutral energy. Every plant, every car, every bird, and every human is made of a flowing energetic pattern that has no value of good or bad, no judgements of positive or negative, and no less than or better than qualities.

ALL judgements come from a subjective perspective. And guess what? YOU are the subjective perspective that designates the values, the judgements, and the relationships between you and others.

All people look at an object or an experience and place a judgement upon it. These judgements absolutely come from our conditioned viewpoint on the matter. I remember a Buddhist story that I read somewhere many years ago. (My apologies to the author as I do not recall the details, just the tremendously helpful nature of the story).

A young prince received a beautiful white horse for his birthday. The village was so excited because this horse was a good gift. Then one day the Prince fell off the horse. The village was so sad because the Prince got hurt, and the horse was then a bad gift. Shortly after the Prince was injured, the village went in to battle. The Prince could not go to war because of his injury. The village was elated and this horse was a good gift. Not too long into the war, the village soldiers were decimated. The village was in great mourning. Had the Prince gone off to battle the outcome was sure to have been different as he was a great leader and warrior. The horse was then a bad gift. And on and on the story goes with each reaction to an event or experience of the Prince's determining the every changing good and bad judgements of the horse as a good gift or a bad gift. One moment we can see ourselves as good and positive in this world and the next, by our own judgement and projections, we can see ourselves as bad and negative in the world.

“Real freedom is freedom from the opinions of others. Above all, freedom from your opinions about yourself.”
― Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness: What Happens When God's Fierce Mercy Transforms Our Lives

No one is a SHAM or an IMPOSTER unless they choose to be one. In that case, having feelings of being discovered or caught is absolutely appropriate. It is when we fear that our existence in a company or community is unworthy, that we are filled with dread about ourselves. It can be difficult to believe what others are telling us about a job well done. We can pass that compliment on to other reasons such as we were just lucky that time, or dismiss it because the person who said it really feels sorry for us or is just being nice.

“Lord, when I feel that what I'm doing is insignificant and unimportant, help me to remember that everything I do is significant and important in your eyes, because you love me and you put me here, and no one else can do what I am doing in exactly the way I do it.”
― Brennan Manning, Souvenirs of Solitude: Finding Rest in Abba's Embrace

When we degrade ourselves, we add the energy of "degrading" into the mix of the human collective consciousness.  Take a moment to feel the imposter feeling you sometimes have inside you. Really sit in that Sham I Am fear. Now think for just a moment about whether you want to contribute that energy into the mix of human feelings. Do you want your children to feel that way about themselves? How about that sweet group of second graders at the school where you teach? Do you want the young college graduates to walk out into their young adult world and have access to those feelings of low self esteem? 

All of life is about energy. What energetic vibrations we choose to create and perpetuate in the world move beyond just ourselves and reach far out into the larger humanity. If you want others to feel good, confident, and know their own value and worth being just who they are, then YOU must feel good, confident, and know your own value and worth being just who you are. 

Let today be A First Day to Begin your absolute intention to be as objective about yourself as possible.  To be what and who you are, knowing it is at least neutral if not wonderful.

May we all move past our false beliefs and our uncomfortable justifications that self label us as Shams and Imposters. May we trust those around us who give us honest feedback by hiring us, paying us, giving us good reviews, applauding us, sending us thank you cards, complimenting our craft, awarding us, and so much more.

Yes, Today IS a First Day to Begin to start feeling, knowing, and enjoying the respect, honor, and awe that people rightfully bestow on us. Thumbs up everybody!