There She Goes, The After Dinner Pooper....

and it wasn't that my family was incorrect. It is true, after formal family dinners when Dad was home I would immediately announce that I had to poop. I would stay in the bathroom for about an hour.

But here's the point, I only excused myself because I didn't fit in. Our families of origin were our first systems by which we tried to find our value. We bounced our behaviors and selves off of our first families and we reacted and modified who we were and what we did based on the feedback we got from this original system.

In my family I was confused. They were living a fairly stereotypical gender role life style. I was not. After dinner the "females" would clean up the table and kitchen. UGH...that had absolutely no appeal to me! The "males" would go into the other room and talk science and brainy stuff. Now that was what I wanted! That made sense to me...let's talk about new ideas, reflect on nature, galaxies, and the latest inventions.

Well, my dad and brother didn't look this ridiculous! 

It just felt that way!

It was expected that I would clean up the meal. At first I took a position as the table clearer so I could take my time and wander in to the living room in an attempt to engage, even briefly, with my father and brother. Because I was suppose to be cleaning, my ideas were ignored and I was shut out of the conversation by the "men" in the family. I soon realized that I didn't belong in this gender divide. I was miserable, so, with quick thinking I knew I could escape this foreign land by calling on the only thing that was excusable...I had to poop. To this day, forty plus years later, after a big family meal, my siblings will  taunt me and ask if I have to poop. Now I can talk science AND help clean up, which is good because I don't think my old legs could handle an hour now on the toilet without going completely numb.

It is so important that each of us reflects on the first system in which we needed to find acceptance. Not only did we need to feel love and a sense of belonging, but our very existence of survival depended upon our ability to have our parents own us enough to give us food and shelter. As children we had very real fears about basic survival needs. We knew these adults that we lived with were the only way we could be sure to stay alive. We learned to adapt, find approval, and often times

create a false persona. Some of us created a mask, or several masks, to show the world. Sometimes we had no idea who we were behind the mask because we just didn't have the time or safety to find out.

Maybe you were a "pretty good girl"...

or maybe you were a "strong tough boy"...

No matter what you created to please your family and get fed, it was a construct. You did an amazing job to navigate the world of approval and react accordingly.

And guess what? You don't have to do that anymore. It is safe to slowly peel off the masks and discover who you really are.

Many of us have created entire worlds based on who we thought we were. It seemed very very real to us to be a particular person with particular beliefs. If our True Being has been repressed, then it is time to offer an olive branch and begin to lovingly make peace with who we really are while simultaneously having gratitude for the world that we built that kept us safe.

It can feel difficult or overwhelming to own our True Self. We have old fears that rise up. We look around and wonder if we will completely disappoint those around us. Anxiety and panic can grip our chests. These feelings are only the gateway that we must walk through as we release our attachment to a world system based on fear. What will happen to us, we may wonder. Will we have family, friends, money, food, love?
Sometimes our family and friends do turn away because they feel that they have been betrayed. Give them time. Sometimes the world in which you build a foundation of reference was never a fit and those people will fall away because they just have to. New family and friends will arrive. Black sheep find each other. Kindred Spirits collect in those beautiful places where we can soar, be loved, and know we are lovable. Freedom of Truth of who you are is what will change this world. Being in your open expanding brilliant self and living confidently and proudly from that place is what the world needs right now. That is how we turn the tide. So please do.

"Sittin in this lonely town wonderin when things are gonna change
Dreamin my life away and it seems them dreams they turned into a bunch of dust clouds

Gettin my nerve up but my past is pullin me down
wonderin how long this black sheep can stick around
Somebody told me once before

you can never go home again once you leave
say anything just to steer me away from the truth of what I who I am and what I believe
So I thanked him for his two cents
with a shake and some sympathy
and I packed up my blue jeans and I headed for the big prize
of my freedom

Bye bye black sheep
black sheep of the family
Bye bye black sheep how that means so much to me
Bye bye to my friends and to my family
bye bye black sheep goin off and set my soul set it free

Times they were changin I did just a little re-arrangin
take a couple chances my progress it advances
to that prize of my freedom

It's written in the stars that steel bars never will a prison cell make
once I find that sweet home or a place I like to call home anyway
some people will say I'm crazy singin out loud like I do here on the street

when I got A song I sing it out loud and if you don't like that my friend
well I'm gonna say to you
Bye bye black sheep
black sheep of the family
Bye bye black sheep how that means so much to me
Bye bye to my friends and to my family
bye bye black sheep goin off and set my soul set it free..."


Take your time and excuse yourself from where you don't fit. If you don't know quite how to do that, just tell them that you have to poop.