So Where Exactly is That Lion That is About to Pounce?

One innocent evening about twelve years ago I was reflecting on Fight or Flight. I was thinking about how much my life was run on Fear and because of that I often defaulted to behaviors of Fight or Flight. In a naive moment of weakness I actually had a thought, or an asking, we might suggest, to really get a handle on this Fight or Flight pattern of behavior. Living from fear seemed terribly inefficient. I also recognized that I was contributing fear and anxiety into my work environment in a nursing home. These people had enough concerns and issues without me adding into the mix. I wasn't feeling distinguishable fear or anxiety. I was doing a self psyche investigation, knowing what I thought I knew about Fight or Flight and my own reactions to the world.

Fight or Flight or sometimes both!

Now is the part where we all say, (1, 2, 3,) "Be careful for what you ask for because you just might get it!"

The next day at the nursing home I was asked to sit in and take the lead for the activities department during the residents' family meetings. The usual head nurse who facilitated the meetings was out that day and the nurse next in line, who just happened to randomly despise me, took over the task.

I sat around the table with the rest of the team and we began the updating of residents. The residents and families were invited to attend and participate but they rarely did. This day, as I sat under the glaring eye of the grouchy nurse, we had residents and family members who rsvp'd that they would indeed attend. The first resident was wheeled in by her daughter and son-in-law. The facilitating nurse gave her spiel. She then looked to her right and introduced the nutritionist who gave her update, and then introduced the chaplain who gave his update, and on it went in a clear circle as each person to the right started, finished, and then attention was passed on to the next person.

It was about to be my turn, sitting to the right of the social worker. The pattern of reporting had long been set and the nurse looked directly at me from across the table, stared for a second, and then looked to my right, calling upon and introducing the physical therapist specialist.

This was awkward beyond imagination. I was completely skipped over in this little conference room with about ten people sitting around a dark wooden table.

Ahhh...a perfect time to actually participate in what really was important - learning about my Fight or Flight response and hopefully getting a handle on it! I could feel the surge of feelings coming up my body. I asked myself if I wanted to Fight or get into Flight. "Flight" was my reply. I wanted to get up and walk out of that room, slamming the door wildly behind me. Okay now...I was in extreme Flight Fear mode. But what was I afraid of in that room? The night before I surmised that this Fight or Flight Fear mode was important if something like, oh, let's say a lion was about to pounce on me. So, I asked myself in that moment, "Aileen, look around you. Is there a lion anywhere in this room that is about to pounce on you?" And yes, I did seriously look to be sure.

"Why no, no there is not."  I continued with my calm self talk in my head, "Well then, what are you afraid of here?" Immediately I heard myself say, "That she doesn't think I am good at my job."

And there it sat for a moment. I was afraid that the nurse that didn't like me anyway didn't think I was good at my job.

"Well, Aileen, honey, are you good at your job?" I thought it over and confidently answered from my heart and head, "Yes, I am good at my job." "How do you know you are good at your job.?" I listed all the reasons I knew I was good at my job, including the fact that I had just received the first ever Employee of the Month recognition complete with my name on a plaque in the hallway, a PR photo shoot with the CEO, and a monetary gift I had already spent.

My body relaxed, I started smiling, and I have no idea what happened after that in the meeting.

Since that day I still on occasion have to look for the pouncing lion, and when I don't see one I get to ask myself, "So, what are you afraid of here?"

Next time you feel Fight or Flight, look for the pouncing lion. If he isn't nearby, there is a good chance he isn't coming. Relax and talk yourself through it. More than likely you will find a competence and a strong center that will help that fear disappear. There will be no Fight and there will be no Flight today.

Okay, a lion pouncing or this dude. Either one.