Leave the projecting to the movie theatres!

Projecting is just silly because it is usually painful. Projecting is when we make things up in our heads that we imagine are real or will be real. Maybe we are thinking about a meeting later in the day and while we are in the shower we have an entire conversation with the person we just know is going to hassle us. Or we decide not to do something because we are sure that action a. will happen which will cause action b. which will cause action c. which will ruin everything we already worked so hard for.

By projecting we are telling ourselves what is sure to happen in five hours, or twelve days, or after that concert on Saturday. The truth is, we have NO idea what will happen. So we take the energy and experiences in a moment and ignore it all to replace it or overshadow it with a projected story or outcome that we just can't know will become true.

There is this fun story about a young man who is driving late at night in farm country. The houses are a few miles apart from one another. At one point during the drive he runs out of gas. The closest farm house is about 2 miles away (this is all pre-cell phone time... B.C.P.) so he grabs an empty gas container from his car and starts walking towards the house.  As he is walking he starts thinking about what will happen when he gets to the farm house and knocks on the door. After all, it is midnight and people won't be too happy that a stranger is knocking on their door, especially asking for gas. He continues this fantasy conversation in his head...he'll knock on the door and the man will come to the door, the man will yell at him, berate him for not being smart enough to be sure to have a full tank of gas, etc. The young man is walking and he is, in his mind, getting into a fight with the farmer of the house. By the time he gets to the farmhouse he is steaming mad! He knocks on the door and a nice older man answers the door. The young man throws down the empty gas container and yells, "I didn't want any of your stupid gas anyway!" and he stomps off into the dark.

I love that story because that could have been me! I can remember getting in huge drawn out fights with people, and they weren't even in the room. They I would see them later and be angry with them for the things that I made up in my head that they said! GEEZ....I was directing a movie and these people didn't even know they were in it!

It is one thing to make up romantic or fun things in your head that might happen. It is not real nor purposeful to make up completely sad, aggravating, or paranoid things in your head that might happen. Now there is nothing wrong with being prepared and thinking things through, such as, "This teacher is probably going to want to see my homework." It is when you get to things like, "Oh yeaya Boyfriend...I KNOW what you were doing last night because I called your phone and you didn't answer and I saw the way you were looking at that new female employee....blah blah blah..." when in fact, said boyfriend didn't answer his phone because he was helping someone move at the last minute and he forgot his cell phone at his house.

We ALL project. It is important to have an awareness of what kind of feelings your projections have. It also is important to ask why we can't wait to live out the experiences. The meeting is going to happen, so why spend five hours the day before conducting it in our heads only to actually live it out in real time with real characters.

Perhaps we can allow each person to have new moments and new days until we meet up with them. Maybe we can stop ourselves before we get too wrapped up in writing a script that probably won't be followed by the unfolding course of our lives anyway. Maybe we should leave the script writing and the projecting to the movies, where they belong!