So Where Exactly is That Lion That is About to Pounce?

One innocent evening about twelve years ago I was reflecting on Fight or Flight. I was thinking about how much my life was run on Fear and because of that I often defaulted to behaviors of Fight or Flight. In a naive moment of weakness I actually had a thought, or an asking, we might suggest, to really get a handle on this Fight or Flight pattern of behavior. Living from fear seemed terribly inefficient. I also recognized that I was contributing fear and anxiety into my work environment in a nursing home. These people had enough concerns and issues without me adding into the mix. I wasn't feeling distinguishable fear or anxiety. I was doing a self psyche investigation, knowing what I thought I knew about Fight or Flight and my own reactions to the world.

Fight or Flight or sometimes both!

Now is the part where we all say, (1, 2, 3,) "Be careful for what you ask for because you just might get it!"

The next day at the nursing home I was asked to sit in and take the lead for the activities department during the residents' family meetings. The usual head nurse who facilitated the meetings was out that day and the nurse next in line, who just happened to randomly despise me, took over the task.

I sat around the table with the rest of the team and we began the updating of residents. The residents and families were invited to attend and participate but they rarely did. This day, as I sat under the glaring eye of the grouchy nurse, we had residents and family members who rsvp'd that they would indeed attend. The first resident was wheeled in by her daughter and son-in-law. The facilitating nurse gave her spiel. She then looked to her right and introduced the nutritionist who gave her update, and then introduced the chaplain who gave his update, and on it went in a clear circle as each person to the right started, finished, and then attention was passed on to the next person.

It was about to be my turn, sitting to the right of the social worker. The pattern of reporting had long been set and the nurse looked directly at me from across the table, stared for a second, and then looked to my right, calling upon and introducing the physical therapist specialist.

This was awkward beyond imagination. I was completely skipped over in this little conference room with about ten people sitting around a dark wooden table.

Ahhh...a perfect time to actually participate in what really was important - learning about my Fight or Flight response and hopefully getting a handle on it! I could feel the surge of feelings coming up my body. I asked myself if I wanted to Fight or get into Flight. "Flight" was my reply. I wanted to get up and walk out of that room, slamming the door wildly behind me. Okay now...I was in extreme Flight Fear mode. But what was I afraid of in that room? The night before I surmised that this Fight or Flight Fear mode was important if something like, oh, let's say a lion was about to pounce on me. So, I asked myself in that moment, "Aileen, look around you. Is there a lion anywhere in this room that is about to pounce on you?" And yes, I did seriously look to be sure.

"Why no, no there is not."  I continued with my calm self talk in my head, "Well then, what are you afraid of here?" Immediately I heard myself say, "That she doesn't think I am good at my job."

And there it sat for a moment. I was afraid that the nurse that didn't like me anyway didn't think I was good at my job.

"Well, Aileen, honey, are you good at your job?" I thought it over and confidently answered from my heart and head, "Yes, I am good at my job." "How do you know you are good at your job.?" I listed all the reasons I knew I was good at my job, including the fact that I had just received the first ever Employee of the Month recognition complete with my name on a plaque in the hallway, a PR photo shoot with the CEO, and a monetary gift I had already spent.

My body relaxed, I started smiling, and I have no idea what happened after that in the meeting.

Since that day I still on occasion have to look for the pouncing lion, and when I don't see one I get to ask myself, "So, what are you afraid of here?"

Next time you feel Fight or Flight, look for the pouncing lion. If he isn't nearby, there is a good chance he isn't coming. Relax and talk yourself through it. More than likely you will find a competence and a strong center that will help that fear disappear. There will be no Fight and there will be no Flight today.

Okay, a lion pouncing or this dude. Either one.

Seeing Isn't Believing?

So many of the Law of Attraction gurus tell us that we have to see ourselves in the life we want...in the wildly expensive sports car...on the tropical island beach...in the big mansion....and well, they are actually quite right. BUT...here's the thing: It isn't as easy or ego driven as all that dreaming and wishing and being disappointed when it all doesn't come into fruition.

We have to start with the basics. One key "basic" is to NOT believe what you see and to believe what you DON'T see. How is that possible you ask? Well, I just happen to have a true story that helped me to understand the very important lesson of releasing myself from the restrictions and limitations to the assumptions of the external "truth" surrounding me.

I love walking in Sanford Farm on Nantucket. It is a large conservation area with trails, a pond, a little pine forest, large open areas, old farm foundations, and the ocean. I have walked in Sanford Farm for twenty+ years with and without dogs and with friends and family.  It is my respite back to sanity. I would summarize that I have walked the trails there about three times a week for many of those years.

One day about five years ago I was up and out to the land earlier than I ever had been before. It was beautiful. I walked the first leg of the hike past the large open meadow and then headed to the little pine forest for my usual loop. The walk was gorgeous and I enjoyed being alone.  I always walk the same loop and was returning to the beginning trail when I noticed something shocking. The early morning sun was rising behind me and the meadow was showing a glittering majestic scene as I have never witnessed before in all my years of walking this place. To my right the open field was covered in spider webs. There had to have been thousands upon thousands of shining perfect spider webs of all sizes weaved between the tall meadow grass. I could not move. I was overwhelmed by the beauty, the unbelievable number of webs, and the fact that I had never seen or imagined these spiders and their webs....EVER! I walked past that open meadow for years and even that morning I innocently glided right past a field of tall grass completely unaware, because I could not see them, these thousands of spiders and webs.

I am smiling writing this blog as I remember how much joy it brought me not only to see this entire spider and web world (yes, I love bugs) but also because I was completely BUSTED!!! Up until that moment, if anyone had asked me during all those years I walked Sanford Farm if there was any place there that thousands of webs existed, I would have confidently answered, "NO." They may have asked me why I was so sure of my answer, and I would have calmly replied, "Because I have walked those trails and investigated those areas for many years and I have never seen them."

And yet...there I was...staring at the magical land of spiders and webs as the sun, at just the right angle, lit up the meadow. I had never been in that exact spot before at that exact time. I thought, "WOW! Just because I didn't see these webs doesn't mean that they haven't been here the entire time I have walked this trail." I learned in that moment that my "seeing" is so limited by my angle or by the lens through which I choose to see life around me. Just because the juxtaposition of objects does not afford me the opportunity to see with my eyes, this does not mean that these objects do not exist.

Today surrender to the Truth that what we see with our eyes is limiting. Have a joyful day knowing that there are glistening webs existing in our familiar world, even if we have not had the opportunity to see them yet. Those things we want that we are trying so hard to see ourselves having...well, let's stop looking so hard. Let's relax and know that seeing isn't believing. Believe first, and then surely we will see.

This video is hilarious and just what the Law of Attraction Doctor ordered!!!

Shifting The Fire

About eighteen years ago my family returned home to Nantucket after a great trip to Florida. Alli and Meg were somewhere around eight and ten years old. We walked into our house late at night after some bumpy weather getting back to the island. I sent the girls upstairs and I started to look through the bundle of retrieved mail on the kitchen table.

I randomly opened one of my magazines (don't remember which one it was) to a piece about canned hunting. I did not know about canned hunting and I proceeded to read the article. Canned hunting is when animals have been raised in docile conditions and then brought somewhere and let loose to be "hunted" and killed by people who pay for this activity. Needless to say, as an animal lover, vegan, and even a competitive sports player and coach, this was just insane to me. So, I did what anyone would do at 10 p.m. at night, on a little island, fresh off a nauseating one hour plane ride, and with adorable little children getting ready to get cozy into bed....I started raging about how cowardly the hunters were....how capitalistic the canned hunting farms/ranges were, and overall started seething over the state of humanity.

I sat in the chair and was so fired up about this inhumanity.  My beautiful happy children came downstairs all ready for bed and I sent them back up with a gruff tone and angry mannerisms telling them I would be upstairs momentarily...

CUT SCENE! What the heck was I doing?! What could I possibly do about canned hunting at that hour and from that location? I sat in the chair dumbfounded by the fact that I had started ranting about canned hunting in my peaceful little Nantucket sweet home. My daughters' faces were so disappointed when I sent them back upstairs in such a snit! Seriously? I was going to let a bunch of misbehaving canned hunting stakeholders mess with my inner and outer space therefore messing with my children's inner and outer space?!

So I closed the magazine, took a deep breathe, and let it all go. There was nothing I could do in that moment to stop the canned hunting business. That was not my role nor my job nor my joy in that moment. My attention was only necessary on my family and the peaceful transition from rough travel experience to safe loving home. My incessant anger/fire was only adding anxiety and stress into my home. My children were trying to find a center in their worlds and my bonfire of rage was doing nothing for their success in that endeavor. Wow, did I learn something that night.

From that moment onward I tried to watch when I picked up a fire torch and started lighting things up, catching the world on fire with anger. Did I really need to actively put anger into a situation? What was happening around me and was fire as anger really the best contribution to the goal at hand? Fire energy is not only awesome but it is powerful and necessary. Fire energy is about passion, getting things done, and yes, anger. What type of fire was I adding into a moment, a story, an experience, or a circumstance? Would the passion of love, healing, empowerment, and joy best serve the moment more than the fire of rage, hatred, suffering from victimization, and separation from others? I learned that yes, for my Vision about life and how I wanted to engage in the world in which I actively am a part of -  YES! Fire as Passion of Love was more authentic, helpful, and in solution than out of control fire or even bonfires of intolerance, cruel words, and directed animosity towards those who do the world differently than I do. I need not agree with or support things like canned hunting, however I also do not need to add the elements of Fire as such toxic energy into and onto the planet. This harms myself and others. Anger also happens to have some kicken' addictive endorphin rush to it, however I can say from experience that the joyful energy high from love is so much better! It lasts longer, I laugh alot more, and beautiful awe inspiring things enter my human and Soul sphere when I choose to use my fire for dancing, art, music, poetry, loving, playing, and all those other passions we are given access to experiencing.

Fire energy should be burning strong and bright in each of us. It is good if we can check in and be aware of which fire energy we are working from, spewing out onto and into the unsuspecting beings in our world, and choosing to administer into the energetic mix of humanity. Consider powering up your passion fire in yourself. The world is much better served and suited for your Creative Life Force Fire energy in Action. Let it rip!!!

But the world suffers so how can I be happy?!

Don't I understand this suffering world, hyper-vigilant avenger super shero identity! And as a highly empathic person (just really really sensitive to other people's actual feeling vibrations) I can get pretty paralyzed if I go down this road.

About twenty years ago I had a huge a shift that began the journey towards a more capable identity for me. I was cleaning my daughters' room one cold winter day while they were at school. While I was picking up mittens I became overwhelmed by the thought that my children had about five pairs of mittens and some children had none. Suffering shot through my entire body. How could a world be like this?! How can I continue to participate in a world that existed without mittens for all children?! I barely made it over to the bunk beds. I climbed up to the top bunk and just laid there. I was paralyzed with suffering.

Slowly I remembered the Animal Totem tool that I had just learned. In Animal Totem work people look at the energy vortexes in their bodies, known as chakras, and see what animals images show up in those spots. Animal Totems are ever changing, so a turtle hanging out in a heart chakra can morph into a rabbit. The idea is to use this as a tool to get to know oneself better. The Animals have unique medicine, or attributes, that ;people can choose to embody in some way. For example a skunk means respect. One doesn't have to get sprayed by a skunk to know to give it a HUGE circle of  a boundary lest one gets covered in skunk smell. If someone is having difficulty with being respected, one could call on skunk medicine. A stuffed animal skunk or skunk pendant could be used to remind one of the respect one needs to have in one's life. So in Animal Totem work, animals show up in certain areas that can give one some clues about how to handle a situation, etc.

I was on the bed, unable to resolve how it could be that more mittens were in our house than needed while not enough mittens were elsewhere. I decided to just ask, in my mind, for an Animal Totem energy to come and help me. I was sinking under the pressure to save the world in that moment and I needed help!!!

Immediately I saw the image of a beautiful big Hawk. It flew towards me and landed on my right arm. It was a lovely vision for a moment and I waited for something fantastic to happen. The Hawk just stood grabbing on to my arm, and it "felt" very painful. I thought, "This is so odd. I can actually feel this image in my mind on my actual arm." I started to get very agitated. My inside head talk was complaining that here I had prayed for self peace and instead I get a sharp taloned Hawk digging into my forearm causing me more pain! That is what I get for asking for help!

And then I head this powerful firm force say, "Let go of the pain and feel the power." I thought this was the wackiest thing I had ever experienced or heard before. As surreal as it was, I did choose to listen. "Let go of the pain..." I realized that I had been focusing on the tips of the talons that felt like they had broken the skin on my arm because they were so powerful and sharp. "And feel the power." What power I wondered. What is going on here?! And then I understood. Then I got it! I shifted my focus from the painful talon tips to the strength of the grasp of the Hawk. Once I felt how strong he was, I didn't notice the little painful points painfully almost piercing my arm.

"Let go of the pain and feel the power." I realized then that I had power in these situations. I may not always know what that is, however it is more helpful and empowering to focus on what I can do rather than the pain of being a victim to suffering. This does not deny that suffering exists. This does not say that all children don't need mittens. This revelation simply means that if I focus on the pain then I am looking at and choosing to continue suffering for myself and others. If I feel my power then I can continue to love everyday, I can take actions that empower others, I can start a mitten drive, and/or I can visualize world in which all children are warm in the winter. By focusing on the pain I make it real and it will envelope me.  By focusing on my power I feel my strength, my ability to help change happen, and live a life that advocates for the care of all people.

When I get obsessing in my head and think thoughts and feel feelings primarily about a painful event in my life or in the world, inevitable a Hawk will fly obviously close to me. Once a Hawk even flew under a bridge right at my front windshield. "WAKE UP", its flying intensity reminded me, "Let go of the pain and feel the power!"

 Let's be present in our  power today. Focus only on the power in the present moment. The suffering of the past is an illusion. The projection of suffering in the future is an illusion. When we choose to let go of our emotional suffering, when we move our consciousness away from the pain we perceive is happening, then our power of love, compassion, and assorted life skills ground our attention and intention. When this happens, we DO affect positive change, blissful outcomes, and the kind of happiness that comes from being powerful capable people.

Today make it a first day to begin the very important transition of letting go of the pain and the feeling power. Feeling and living in our self  power is where it is at...ask a Hawk and she'll tell you!

Leave the projecting to the movie theatres!

Projecting is just silly because it is usually painful. Projecting is when we make things up in our heads that we imagine are real or will be real. Maybe we are thinking about a meeting later in the day and while we are in the shower we have an entire conversation with the person we just know is going to hassle us. Or we decide not to do something because we are sure that action a. will happen which will cause action b. which will cause action c. which will ruin everything we already worked so hard for.

By projecting we are telling ourselves what is sure to happen in five hours, or twelve days, or after that concert on Saturday. The truth is, we have NO idea what will happen. So we take the energy and experiences in a moment and ignore it all to replace it or overshadow it with a projected story or outcome that we just can't know will become true.

There is this fun story about a young man who is driving late at night in farm country. The houses are a few miles apart from one another. At one point during the drive he runs out of gas. The closest farm house is about 2 miles away (this is all pre-cell phone time... B.C.P.) so he grabs an empty gas container from his car and starts walking towards the house.  As he is walking he starts thinking about what will happen when he gets to the farm house and knocks on the door. After all, it is midnight and people won't be too happy that a stranger is knocking on their door, especially asking for gas. He continues this fantasy conversation in his head...he'll knock on the door and the man will come to the door, the man will yell at him, berate him for not being smart enough to be sure to have a full tank of gas, etc. The young man is walking and he is, in his mind, getting into a fight with the farmer of the house. By the time he gets to the farmhouse he is steaming mad! He knocks on the door and a nice older man answers the door. The young man throws down the empty gas container and yells, "I didn't want any of your stupid gas anyway!" and he stomps off into the dark.

I love that story because that could have been me! I can remember getting in huge drawn out fights with people, and they weren't even in the room. They I would see them later and be angry with them for the things that I made up in my head that they said! GEEZ....I was directing a movie and these people didn't even know they were in it!

It is one thing to make up romantic or fun things in your head that might happen. It is not real nor purposeful to make up completely sad, aggravating, or paranoid things in your head that might happen. Now there is nothing wrong with being prepared and thinking things through, such as, "This teacher is probably going to want to see my homework." It is when you get to things like, "Oh yeaya Boyfriend...I KNOW what you were doing last night because I called your phone and you didn't answer and I saw the way you were looking at that new female employee....blah blah blah..." when in fact, said boyfriend didn't answer his phone because he was helping someone move at the last minute and he forgot his cell phone at his house.

We ALL project. It is important to have an awareness of what kind of feelings your projections have. It also is important to ask why we can't wait to live out the experiences. The meeting is going to happen, so why spend five hours the day before conducting it in our heads only to actually live it out in real time with real characters.

Perhaps we can allow each person to have new moments and new days until we meet up with them. Maybe we can stop ourselves before we get too wrapped up in writing a script that probably won't be followed by the unfolding course of our lives anyway. Maybe we should leave the script writing and the projecting to the movies, where they belong!

Pushing past the "blocks" to Happiness

There are many different "reasons" that our overall happiness may be difficult to feel. One of these may be that we have family of origin trauma and wounds or fears from our experiences growing up.

Although we may have worked hard to heal these old experiences, they can be deep seeded. If you think about an actual seed deeply rooted in the ground you can get a sense of what I am writing about. For any of you that have done some weeding, there are those few little buggers that you try to pull up but they snap at some point and you just know the seed and roots are still in the ground. That is a drag because then the decision is to either say, "ahhh...I got enough of it. Maybe it will just go away." or "oh for crying out loud...I have to get on my knees and really dig this baby up!!"

Experiences that we had as children (seeds of beliefs leading to accompanying patterns of behaviors) can create deep roots.  We may avoid digging far down enough into our psyche to pull out these seeds and their roots for good. The key reason for this is because at some level, as children, we experienced things that brought fear, even fear of death, into our belief systems. As children we are too young to know that Mommy's rage does not necessarily mean she'll actually kill us (or for some, their lives may have been in real jeopardy) or that Daddy's emotional neglect did not truly mean we would lose our basic survival needs (again, for some this may have been a true issue). As adults these fearful and life preserving beliefs and patterns keep us hostage to limitations, fear, and insecurity.

Some of you may remember the Little Albert experiment from psychology class. You can read a simple article here http://www.psychology.sbc.edu/Little%20Albert.htm . I invite you to take your time in reading it, pondering it, and reflecting on the truth of it. This was such an unethical experiment but perhaps if we all can get some significant "Ah HA!" healing and awakened moments for ourselves out of it, poor little Albert may get some justice!

If Albert could be conditioned to fear in this way, it is quite possible that any of us could have been conditioned to fear experiences as well. Albert's reaction to "like" stimuli is so important to note.

Our past conditioning is one reason we may have difficulty starting anew in any moment. For some of us, changing the course of our thinking brings a subconscious reaction of discomfort EVEN IF IT IS CHANGING OUR THINKING TO MORE COMFORT! There is a HUGE "WARNING" reaction we get from somewhere so deeply hidden that anxiety most certainly will ensue.

Be kind to yourself. Understand that YOU are like Little Albert. What love, reconditioning, and nurturing might Little Albert have needed to be at peace with a rat, a rabbit , or a Santa mask after he was conditioned to transfer fear from a loud fear inducing sound to an object and then to more objects?

How might you have been conditioned to fear something? What are the ways in which you transferred that fear to other objects throughout your life?

What love, reconditioning, and nurturing do you need to be at peace in your world?

How cool is it that YOU CAN recondition yourself! TODAY..start TODAY! Today is a great first day to begin to walk right past some of your conditioned blocks to HAPPINESS! Little Albert - we got this one buddy!! Today is our first day to begin!

Happy today?

I started thinking about why we would want to understand that each day, each moment, is new. There is the "time and space is an illusion" physics piece to that, however more importantly, there is the way we can feel about ourselves and our lives that seems the most important as humans. We can feel happy.

Several years ago I was on a distribution list for a website that I cannot remember right now. It was a positive feel good kind of site. Every day I would get an inspiring message to my email inbox, sort of like getting a fortune cookie without the cookie. One day I read something like this, "Paradise is where love dwells." They took that quote from Jean Paul F. Richter who wrote, "Paradise is always where love dwells". I liked that quote and thought it over for a few minutes. Hhhmmm...Yes, I could see that Paradise is where love dwells, certainly. Being in a place in which love dwells would be Paradise. Well, wait a second...IF Paradise is where love always dwells, then, if love always dwells within me and around me...if I am always dwelling in love, then indeed I will always be in Paradise! Immediately I saw a picture in my mind of Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoons. I wanted to be like him in that I wanted to always have love around me so, like Pig-Pen, I would always be in my cloud. Mine just happened to be a cloud of love. It just made total sense! If I am always walking around in my circle of love vibration, then anywhere and everywhere I went I would be in Paradise.
And I liked it,  dwelling in love and  having so much time in Paradise! That doesn't mean I don't forget sometimes...because I certainly do. Taking that quote, really understanding how it could apply to my life, and using a little Peg-Pen magic, offered me an opportunity to make each moment what I wanted it to be...Paradise. If I was bogged down with limited thinking, I would have never seen beyond the quote. Heck, I may not have even signed up on the website to get those happy inspiring daily quotes. I guess I could say that no matter what, somewhere in me I wanted a life that felt happy. I wanted my interactions with others to feel happy. I just wanted to be happy!
So, perhaps the bottom line to expanding and following a path of authentic unfolding is because we essentially know that we can and want to experience happiness.
Let's just sit with that possibility for now. The possibility that we desire and innately strive for a life of happiness as well as the possibility that a life of happiness can be received.
Thanks, Pig-Pen! Clouds of  love are keeping me in Paradise and I am feeling the HAPPY! And that is what I choose to take into my next moment, and my brand new day!

Each New Moment

Every day you wake up, you truly do have a new day. Sure your clothes in the closet may look the same, the dog may still pee on the same spot on the rug, and your boss might still have an unwarranted grudge against you, HOWEVER, you have a brand new day to create what you want.
Take for instance the movie Groundhog day. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/  Haven't seen it? It is a must for this year's February 1, 2, or 3 couch break and snack time. Watch it and we'll chat about it on Feb. 4th.
It makes sense that you think you are trapped in a life that circles endlessly around petty and inconsequential things. That was the old paradigm thinking. That was when we thought we had to morph ourselves into some odd contorted shape to win praise, accolades, and earn successful rewards from the world. Yep, that is when we thought we had to NOT be ourselves to fit in.
GUESS WHAT?! That is all changing! We are slowly realizing there is no big boss that determines what is of value and what is not and how to determine that value. The system of value judging is a farce, my lovely friends. (check out the film Who the #$&% Is Jackson Pollock? at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcwiojZsVdo&noredirect=1)
That means there is no big boss that determines WHO is of value and WHO is not and how to determine the value of people.
If there is NO big boss and no absolute rule of value system AND if we have freedom each day, more so each moment, to start new...then we actually can choose to find our Truest Most Authentic Happiness. Why not? What is the fear? What is the downside of being who you really are?
Each new moment does not have to be laden with regrets, negative judgments of ourselves, and just plain old feeling lousy about who we are and what we've done. Each new moment can be abundant with joy, hope, pride, and happy feelings.
Last Sunday the Healing Embrace Spiritual Community had a theme of Counting Our Blessings. In one hour we tried to get up to 5,000 collective things that we were grateful ,for in our lives. We ended that hour with 5 big newsprint sheets loaded with things we were so happy to experience and know about: mangoes, eye glasses, volcanoes, apple pie, worms, love, cars, Ganesha, Kahunas, rain, Sweat Lodges, teeth...the list went on and on with the group shouting, laughing, jamming off what others said, doubling up on things like "Shirley Temple! The person AND the drink!!!" No matter what was happening in our individual lives, in those moments, we were happy and creating happy energy in our bodies, our minds, and our world. I personally realized how often something happens, like I perceive someone has let me down or an outcome I was attached to is not going to be realized the exact way I wanted, and I can get really grumpy. My whole day from that moment forward can become overcast with some weird dark shadow that spirals out of control until I detest the world. I then can find everything wrong with everything. WOW...what a sad way to spend even 1 minute of my life...especially when I now have 5 huge newsprint papers of Blessings pasted around my dining room!! All I have to do is replace that 1 crummy thought..."This sucks" with "Elephants are cool" or "so happy I have floss" or "nail polish comes in like 10 thousand colors". Why do I, why do any of us, have to waste one more moment in those lower, heavier, low self esteem, the world stinks, moments?
We don't! By Golly..not one of us has to default to some old paradigm thinking and feeling of fighting, strife, feeling less than in our worlds.

Each new moment is truly ours to do with it what we want. You can choose how you experience your day. Now go to it! Count your Blessings in each new moment...start with the beautiful truth that you have a new moment in which to count those blessings. ENJOY!