Sorrow, Good...Suffering, Not So Much.

Sorrow is normal. Sorrow is natural. Sorrow is healthy. Sorrow is when something immediately affects us in such a way that we feel in our heart a significant reaction to this something. When our dog dies we feel sorrow. When we get laid off from a job that we liked or very much needed we feel sorrow. We feel sorrow when a friend is angry with us. Sorrow arises when we watch a natural catastrophe. Sorrow is a direct spontaneous reaction to an immediate circumstance that we perceive in that initial learning and experiencing of it, leads us into loss.

Suffering is the choice to continue the perpetuation of the pain of sorrow. Sorrow happens and instead of allowing the moment of the sorrow to flow through us, we think about it over and over again. An event that occurred thirty years ago can remain toxic in our mind, body, and Spirit if we did not release it with the passing of the motion of time.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” 

― Rumi

When we suffer, we do not allow light to enter the wound. We become attached to the wound. We often identify who we are with the wound, even us as the wound. When we attach and identify with our wounds, we suffer.

“One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.” 

― John Lennon

Suffering is an energy vibration. Suffering continues the past perspective into the moment. This is completely in our control. We conjure up a subjective past event, implant in into the action of the present moment, and force our emotions, thoughts, and body to react to this illusory event. It it illusory because  "it"  no longer exists. Even the memory of the event is tainted by the time that has passed. When we suffer, we choose to injure ourselves over and over again. 

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” 

― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Suffering thoughts and feelings poison the moment of today. Carrying events and beliefs from the past lead to a misunderstanding of the present opportunities. We may even stop the gift of joy in the present moment because ten years ago we failed out of college, or twenty years ago we broke up with the love of our lives, or last year we invested in a business that went bankrupt. None of these events need contribute to today...unless WE choose to bring them into this moment. When we base the creation of our day on old suffering, suffering infiltrates every next moment, leading us into directions that continue to give us more suffering. We can prove that the world is one of suffering for us if we keep inviting suffering as a main ingredient of our day. 

Suffering also is in direct contradiction to what is in a moment. It is our leaving the moment, pulling from the past or projecting into the future, that causes suffering and anxiety. When we bypass what is happening in the current moment then we often suffer because we construct thoughts that conjure up suffering. We may believe that we are alone because a parent abandoned us when we were seven, we may think that nothing good ever happens to us because in our early adulthood we broke our back, lost our job, and our girlfriend left or we may believe that we can never succeed in our career because the economy was such that we were laid off four times in two years.

Today, embrace your sorrow. Experience death, loss, change, betrayal, and all of the interpretations of an immediate experience. And then release the attachment to these feelings and beliefs. Leave them in the moment that they occurred. Look up and align with the love that is present in the faces of those with you today.  Engage and explore the world, reaching fully into the present moment for the new job, the new love, the expanded living opportunities.

Walk not alone, but with all your new friends. Dream big with a big heart, knowing that abundance always exists. Be confident that the movement out of your sorrow into hope, awakening, and faith guarantees not only the avoidance of suffering, but the surest route to fuller happiness.

Let today be your first day to begin the putting down of all of your suffering. Life is worth living with a full heart, awakened spirit, and smiling knowledge that wonderful things are right here, now, in this very moment.

 

Why Is It Really Important For Us To Love Ourselves?

Do you see any reason to be anything other than loving, understanding, or compassionate to yourself?

            I am not sure how or when it was decided that we should not be proud of ourselves. One of the more uncomfortable exercises that I do with groups, of all ages, is to create an opportunity for people to either say something aloud that they are good at, or just to sit and receive applause. We are not used to getting happy, positive attention for simply being. We also are not used to acknowledging, for no specific purpose, that we are good at doing things.

A good way to begin loving ourselves is to take the time to honor what we are good at doing. We can be good at something like sports, playing the guitar, oil painting, or fixing cars. We can also be good at engaging compassionately with others, mirroring back to others their beauty, volunteering for supportive programs, or having a positive outlook on life's events.

Now why is it important to begin the process of self love? After all, most of us have made it so far without loving ourselves. 

Why wouldn't we love ourselves? This is a very good question. First off, let's look to see if there are any benefits to not loving ourselves? How does it feel when we don't love ourselves? I know for me that it feels pretty bad. Think about it. Feel it. Reflect on what things you say to yourself on a daily basis. Are you criticizing yourself, shaming yourself, or disowning yourself? If you do something that you believe is a "mistake", what do you say to yourself? How do you treat yourself?

When you forget something, make a choice that does not lead to your hoped for outcome, or you don't "succeed" in regards to a direction in school or career, how does it feel in your body? What is the tone that you use to access the situation? What do you believe about yourself and your future? What about your value? How do you think your day, week, month, or life will unfold because of these occurrences?

Abigail and Brittany Hensel are co-joined twins. Thanks to them, I really came to understand the importance of loving myself. I learned about these amazing sisters and wondered what it would be like to have another person "attached" to me. I thought seriously about how I would need to treat a person if they were co-joined to me. If I had to do EVERYTHING with someone, how might I talk to that person? If someone was with me in every moment, every where I went, and I needed her cooperation in order to do anything successfully, what would I say to her? As I considered these remarkable sisters, I realized that in some way, I did have a person co-joined to me...it was me. These young women had to make peace with each other and find a balance as best friends to each other. I realized that I had not made peace with myself. I also had not found balance with myself as my own best friend. Abigail and Brittany became my role models.

I don't think too many of us would deny that Abigail and Brittany would have better enjoyment in life if they got along, spoke nicely to each other, and acted in a supportive and compassionate way to one another. They share a life, including a body that they need to nourish physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.

Abigail and Brittany will make their dreams come true because they work together in love, communication, positive support, and team work.

We will make our dreams come true because we work together with ourselves, as our own best friend, in love, communication, positive support, and team work.

It is really important to see our skills and our value. When we acknowledge and own our talents as well as the wonder of who we are, it feels good. We feel pride, gratitude, and love. Talking kindly to ourselves, treating ourselves as a best friend, and finding peace with all of who we are, allows us to succeed. The synergy of ourselves with ourselves can make all of our dreams come into fruition.

Why is it really important for us to love ourselves? Simple, life is more enjoyable, being happy feels better than feeling awful, AND the smoothest, most effortless way for us to succeed in all of our endeavors is when we radiate love.

Today is a first day to begin to love for ourselves...to get a little freedom. Say an Amen and Love yourself and all you do, beginning today.