Friends For A New Paradigm

Recently I was on a hike with some really amazing friends. I spotted a shiny gold chunk and thought, "Wow, gold!" Of course I knew it wasn't actually gold, however what I loved about the moment was that if I had said out loud that I had found gold, this group of friends would have lovingly agreed. Those are the friends that you want for the New Paradigm.

 

Years ago I was sitting with my beautiful friend Nora. I was feeling frustrated and bogged down by something. She listened intently. When I finished she acknowledged my feelings. Then when I was ready, and she could tell because she truly knows how to engage authentically with me, she asked me how I could move past that suffering. That interchange with her really clarified what true friends do for one another...they empower each other to move from stagnant and obsessive thinking into healing and release. 

Byron Katie's great work is a perfect example of what friends can do for each other. 

http://www.thework.com/index.php . My friends love me and therefore they understand that they can serve me best by acknowledging my suffering briefly so that I know that I am heard, and then lovingly offering me thinking that can scoot me beyond it, if I so choose. They know that being stuck is no fun, and yet I am the only one who can unstick myself!

I really appreciate how each of my friends, in their own unique way, use language and hold up signs to remind me of my healthiest direction. My friend Chrissy will listen to me dive into something emotionally painful from my past and then she will time her gentle response perfectly, "In your new life you have...", "In your new life you are treated...". Chrissy knows me and realizes the language which encourages me to look up from my stuck place and see what is happening in the Nowness of my life. I need that because I do not want to pick up old painful vibrations.

Complaining with each other and egging each other on to feel worse and worse about a situation or person is no way to be in relationship anymore. Pleading with and people pleasing with our friends is also no way to be in relationship anymore. Doing things for our friends that they should be doing for themselves is also passe, as is being enmeshed, covering for them, bailing them out, or being codependent.

It is time for everyone to find synergy and positive joy within our friendships. 

Many religions and spiritual disciples refer to the "two or more people gathered in my name" energy that elevates people to great joy. Napoleon Hill calls this wonderful synergy, The Master Mind Alliance. 

 

How do we find balance with our friends and call to us those friends who are most healthy for us?

By releasing us and them of the judgements and importance of their opinions!

Friends for a New Paradigm are those people who empower us to be in our best well being selves by being committed to their journey to their well being selves. Friends for a New Paradigm are those that celebrate who we are and celebrate who they are in happiness and joy, no matter what.

My friend Laurie eats a Weston Price diet http://www.westonaprice.org/ and she eats lots of animal products and fats including lard. In fact we call her, Your Lardship. I, on the other hand, eat a vegan diet http://www.vrg.org/nutshell/vegan.htm. While our food diets are as opposite as can be, we are both on a journey of expansiveness, joy, happiness, and love. Laurie and I founded a Spiritual Community together. After each of our Spiritual Gatherings we eat a potluck lunch. Sometimes Laurie makes a vegan dish, sometimes a vegetarian dish, and sometimes a meat dish. I am never insulted if she brings a dish that I will not eat, nor does she feel pressure to prepare something specific for my diet. Our support and love of one another is tremendous. We listen to each others' process, which consists mainly of the shifting into a more peaceful and serene emotional state. We are creating an actual village together and many mornings we text to each other as if we are already living in the village. It is a great way to start my day! We hug, we dance, we walk, we create, we laugh a lot, and we also cry. We sit in very hot Sweat Lodges together, and we sit in very cold New Hampshire water streams together. She is the friend that I say, "Hey, let's do this..." and she lights up and says, "YES!" This is the kind of friend one deserves and this is the loving expansive friendships that signify the New Paradigm.

Friends who are truly finding their self love are the friends that are the best ones to have in this New Paradigm. They are raising their vibration into and beyond Love. They are not bogged down in the past, they are present in the now. Friends who find joy and happiness in the NOW, who are shifting and flipping their patterns and woundedness, and who know that this is the profound path that they are committed to being on, are the friends that will most serve your journey of joy.

You can lovingly say goodbye to the old friendships which feel heavy, exhausting, and uncomfortable. They served their purpose and now it is time to be responsible for ourselves, for our choices of the past, in the present, and those of the future. Those people in our lives who resonate the joyful, hope filled, aspects of ourselves are those we keep within our closest circle. People who reflect the beauty and bounty of the Universe will trigger effortlessly that beauty and bounty within ourselves. Friendships are not work. Friendships are about rejoicing together, not in spite of life but because of life. 

My friend Arlene's response when I told her I wanted 27 billion dollars delivered to my house. Obviously she is first on the guest list and gets shot gun on all the trips to spread the happiness!

Look around you. Be with those that smile and congratulate you for finding gold. May today be a first day to begin friendships that honor you. Be love and choose to be with those who prioritize themselves as love. May you expand in this dance of Friends For A New Paradigm.

Perpetuating Oppression Amounts to Grand Repression

A couple of weeks ago on my FaceBook page I posted a terrific picture of someone alongside a positive post about letting lose, being free, being passionate and unbridled. The picture of the person was a sideways view of his face. He was sitting serenely in a rocking chair, playing a guitar, and facing a gorgeous Atlantic Ocean.

I came across the picture while I was cleaning out the attic. It is a powerful snapshot of a moment in time when this man was one person. At the end of the week long conference, during which the picture was taken, this man became someone else. He was so moved by a passionate display of Spiritual Worship by the senior high school youth group that, without even pausing for a moment, he dashed into the ocean and displayed one of the best, most authentic, baptisms of True Spirit that I have ever witnessed.


There apparently was one "oh my gawd he didn't just do that" aspect of his enthusiasm- he got naked.

This landed him the endearing name by the senior high youth group as, Naked Guy.

Let's be one hundred percent clear: he wasn't creepy, he wasn't inappropriately moving, he didn't premeditate his nakedness, he was not acting or performing to get attention, and the list goes on. This man truly was overtaken by the tremendous release and positive energy of the conference. AND....people freaked out!

Years later, I posted the pre-Naked Guy picture, encouraging people to get up, be inspired, get passionate, because it matters to do so. As good ol' Teddy Roosevelt said, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though chequered by failure, than to take rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."

Naked Guy was not, nor should he ever be a part of the ranks of those poor souls that live in the grey twilight! 

I tagged a few of the youth that were at the conference on my FB post of Naked Guy. Then a friend posted a comment on my page which was the perfect segue into this blog piece - she scolded me for my posting, writing that this man was a minister and that he made a bad decision that day that was continuing on. "That is too bad."

My friend is a wonderful caring person, AND she completely missed the point,  giving me the perfect example of perpetuating oppression which leads to repression.

Mark Twain said, "Twenty years from  now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from  the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds  in your  sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Sadly many of us do not sail away from safe harbour for fear we might be penalized, told we made a bad decision, shamed for not fitting in, or exiled for not following group rules. 

My friend announced on my FB page that this man was a minister. I am not sure why that mattered. Ministers are regular people doing jobs. A minister is no more important than a non-minister. Are we oppressing ministers because they have certain standings and expectations that are so far different than non-ministers? This man was not a minister when this event happened, so does this mean that anyone who enters the ministry must be ashamed of everything that they did when they lived their lives before they decided to join the ministry? Is that true for other jobs? I can't imagine a life in which every decision we make is based on maybe getting some job in the future and how we will look bad ten years from now if we love and live passionately today. 

Secrets are a form of oppression. As long as we have secrets then we are repressed. If we are ashamed of our past then we will always allow oppression to be in power.  Our fear that someone can use our secrets to destroy us, perpetuates the cycle of oppression and repression. Give it up, friends! Societies and systems try to threaten us, oppress us, by touting major repercussions if we step out of  line.STEP OUT! STEP UP! STEP FORWARD! Let your secrets be seen!!! Naked Guy, write and give the best, most enthusiastic, passionate sermon about a sweet loving man who went to a religious conference and was so moved that he jumped up and got naked in the water by himself. In many countries this behavior would not only be normal, but it would have been encouraged. In the sermon, talk about how ten + years later there are still people perpetuating shame and oppressing you because of it. Step away from repression, tell your secret, and role model to others to take their power back. I support you Naked Guy! Put the Oppressors in their place...which is out of business. Be free and encourage the sails to take us all far away from the illusion of safe harbour.

We are humans and all humans make choices, have "secrets", and by golly, we are just trying to do our best in this beautiful and confusing world!  http://postsecretarchive.com/

When someone does something, is there really a need to judge it? (Oppression) An then is there a need to continue judging it and keep a person locked into a shameful place; A shameful place that others designated? Naked Guy did not, nor does he need to be, shamed. Minority people do not need to be shamed, differently abled people do not need to be shamed....no one needs to be shamed. When people are oppressed, shamed, judged and persecuted, they fearfully exist, never to risk, be passionate, or enthusiastic again.(Repression) 

Make today a first day to begin noticing how you oppress others and yourself. What shaming judgement do you put on others...yourself? Tell your secrets when you can, step out, step up, step forward, and talk about it all. Go through your person archives and take out the word "bad" in front of the word decision for you and for others. Notice how you have repressed who you truly are because of other people's rules, judgements, threats to your security (job, relationship, school, anywhere with anyone). STOP oppressing others by condemning them or perpetrating condemnation of things they did in the past. We only continue the cycle that leads to a fear based humanity filled with shallow conversations and disingenuous relationships. YOU have the choice to empower, love, support, accept, affirm and celebrate. Let's all be free, beginning today!!!

PERPETUATE FREEDOM INTO GRAND SELF EXPRESSION

 

And What Exactly ARE We Doing?

So I excitedly bought a new cell phone..one of those "smart phones". I bought it mostly because I

succumbed to the western culture enough to think I should accept credit cards for my business. I purchased the Inuit card slider immediately with the phone. I finally signed up for an account a few weeks into having my new phone.

Wasn't I surprised when I was denied an account to accept credit cards because *I* didn't have any credit. I was flabbergasted to be told that because I paid for everything in cash, check, or direct with my debit card for the last fifteen years at least, that I was not eligible to accept credit cards from Inuit. Really?!

It really sent a fire rod up through me. I pay immediately for everything I want from a hot tub to a bar of

chocolate. Three rescue dogs, a brand new 2001 Toyota Camry, airline tickets to see family in Italy, etc., all bought from direct cash.  I was completely responsible for myself and towards the people of the world who don't need to pay for any write-offs that may be incurred from me for not paying my bills or for my purchases. I am the kind of person that gets penalized? I was advised to go get a credit card, buy stuff, then pay it off. This made no sense to me.

So, I prefer to walk into Marshalls and buy two lamps right there with cash, but I shouldn't. Instead I need to use a piece of plastic to delay me paying for these things. Let's see, I

use the plastic card, take my lamps, wait maybe twenty five days for paper, stamps, and a whole lotta big carbon footprint to come to my house and tell me I have to pay for the lamps that I wanted to pay for the moment I bought them. HHmmm...
So I need to stop what I am doing, read this bill, then find a check book, write a check, put it in an envelope, stamp it and double the carbon footprint to get the bill paid just to prove to someone somewhere that I am someone?

Now, I know that technology has cut back on all my griping and my credit card bill for those lamps that I could have easily (and wanted to) pay for immediately with cash can be an "e-bill" and I can authorize full payment from my bank account online to pay for the lamps when I get billed for them.

I mean, how many people and resources really need to be involved in my buying two lamps? I like to engage in the Buddhist meditation of being grateful for all the humans and energy that brought something to me, like beautiful green beans on my dinner plate. Now I have to thank an additional amount of people and

machinery for billing me twenty five days after I bought something, and then thank them for telling me that I owe them money for the lamps? Furthermore I must meditate gratitude for the people who do the e-billing, and then thank the people who have access to all my personal and business finances who will take money from one of my accounts and send it to the people who collect the money, all while hackers are trying to get into the credit card accounts at the stores and access my bank information. (and they are some smart people!!).

Does anyone else see a problem with this lack of efficiency, as well as a myriad of other issues?

What exactly ARE we doing? I wonder.

What is money? Credit? Banking? Exchange? 401k stuff? Pensions, retirement, social security, paper and coins? What really are we doing to ourselves and each other with this whole concept of money. What has our system designated money to be and what is the purpose it serves?


The "lack" of money keeps people from getting the medical care they need. The "lack" of money keeps cultures in an oppressed state of living. Kids bully other kids if they aren't wearing or owning the cool
stuff...that costs money. And likewise people are judged negatively for having money. Money separates us into layers of value and worth. Humanity doles out the joys and bliss based on the ability to have or get money. People kill for money. Wow. What have we created?

And beyond that...is money really necessary? What is the base of Truth here? Aren't many of us struggling, fighting, celebrating, suffering, rejoicing in our lives in fairly direct proportion to how much money we have, need, want, desperately must have?

For what? Aren't there resources enough for all people to be fed on this planet? Don't we have the basic plants and skills to get viable food to people across the globe so all people can eat? Especially children and babies? But yet we, as a collective humanity, trap and sabotage ourselves with money. How much stress comes to all of us due to money matters? We falsely believe that without money we would have nothing. Um, money is paper or plastic or coinage and I am pretty sure that money itself actually doesn't stand on the assembly line at Ford Motor Company, nor does money plant seeds and harvest them. Humans do these things. The intelligence, skill sets, and commitment of human beings actually make these things happen.

When I vented about now having to get a credit card to prove something, to get good "credit" when I already was a model consumer, the person I was talking to just laughed, "Well of course it is ridiculous" he answered when I asked if he understood how asinine the whole things is, "But I accepted that this is how it is a long time ago." We train our children and youth to be consumers. We push them to buy and then stress, and then buy and then stress some more to catch up with paying for what they bought... on credit.

Well, I have never been able to keep quiet and chat it up happily with the others, denying that the Emperor was naked. There is no amount of peer pressure or human ego droning that would get me to agree.

  The guy is naked folks, and money is an agreed upon system that continues to hurt, damage, and cause such great suffering to our brothers and sisters of the world. I say it is high time that we take back our humanity and without fear or apology, we use the brilliant intelligence that is ours to create a world in which we ALL can realize food, healthy living, support for our challenges, education, clothing, safe living and sleeping. We accept a collaboration of synchronicity and thriving together as a human species!

I don't know exactly what we HAVE been doing, however I do know that we can make some wonderful changes. With those changes we can consciously know what we are doing and we will do it equitably and lovingly together!

There She Goes, The After Dinner Pooper....

and it wasn't that my family was incorrect. It is true, after formal family dinners when Dad was home I would immediately announce that I had to poop. I would stay in the bathroom for about an hour.

But here's the point, I only excused myself because I didn't fit in. Our families of origin were our first systems by which we tried to find our value. We bounced our behaviors and selves off of our first families and we reacted and modified who we were and what we did based on the feedback we got from this original system.

In my family I was confused. They were living a fairly stereotypical gender role life style. I was not. After dinner the "females" would clean up the table and kitchen. UGH...that had absolutely no appeal to me! The "males" would go into the other room and talk science and brainy stuff. Now that was what I wanted! That made sense to me...let's talk about new ideas, reflect on nature, galaxies, and the latest inventions.

Well, my dad and brother didn't look this ridiculous! 

It just felt that way!

It was expected that I would clean up the meal. At first I took a position as the table clearer so I could take my time and wander in to the living room in an attempt to engage, even briefly, with my father and brother. Because I was suppose to be cleaning, my ideas were ignored and I was shut out of the conversation by the "men" in the family. I soon realized that I didn't belong in this gender divide. I was miserable, so, with quick thinking I knew I could escape this foreign land by calling on the only thing that was excusable...I had to poop. To this day, forty plus years later, after a big family meal, my siblings will  taunt me and ask if I have to poop. Now I can talk science AND help clean up, which is good because I don't think my old legs could handle an hour now on the toilet without going completely numb.

It is so important that each of us reflects on the first system in which we needed to find acceptance. Not only did we need to feel love and a sense of belonging, but our very existence of survival depended upon our ability to have our parents own us enough to give us food and shelter. As children we had very real fears about basic survival needs. We knew these adults that we lived with were the only way we could be sure to stay alive. We learned to adapt, find approval, and often times

create a false persona. Some of us created a mask, or several masks, to show the world. Sometimes we had no idea who we were behind the mask because we just didn't have the time or safety to find out.

Maybe you were a "pretty good girl"...

or maybe you were a "strong tough boy"...

No matter what you created to please your family and get fed, it was a construct. You did an amazing job to navigate the world of approval and react accordingly.

And guess what? You don't have to do that anymore. It is safe to slowly peel off the masks and discover who you really are.

Many of us have created entire worlds based on who we thought we were. It seemed very very real to us to be a particular person with particular beliefs. If our True Being has been repressed, then it is time to offer an olive branch and begin to lovingly make peace with who we really are while simultaneously having gratitude for the world that we built that kept us safe.

It can feel difficult or overwhelming to own our True Self. We have old fears that rise up. We look around and wonder if we will completely disappoint those around us. Anxiety and panic can grip our chests. These feelings are only the gateway that we must walk through as we release our attachment to a world system based on fear. What will happen to us, we may wonder. Will we have family, friends, money, food, love?
Sometimes our family and friends do turn away because they feel that they have been betrayed. Give them time. Sometimes the world in which you build a foundation of reference was never a fit and those people will fall away because they just have to. New family and friends will arrive. Black sheep find each other. Kindred Spirits collect in those beautiful places where we can soar, be loved, and know we are lovable. Freedom of Truth of who you are is what will change this world. Being in your open expanding brilliant self and living confidently and proudly from that place is what the world needs right now. That is how we turn the tide. So please do.

"Sittin in this lonely town wonderin when things are gonna change
Dreamin my life away and it seems them dreams they turned into a bunch of dust clouds

Gettin my nerve up but my past is pullin me down
wonderin how long this black sheep can stick around
Somebody told me once before

you can never go home again once you leave
say anything just to steer me away from the truth of what I who I am and what I believe
So I thanked him for his two cents
with a shake and some sympathy
and I packed up my blue jeans and I headed for the big prize
of my freedom

Bye bye black sheep
black sheep of the family
Bye bye black sheep how that means so much to me
Bye bye to my friends and to my family
bye bye black sheep goin off and set my soul set it free

Times they were changin I did just a little re-arrangin
take a couple chances my progress it advances
to that prize of my freedom

It's written in the stars that steel bars never will a prison cell make
once I find that sweet home or a place I like to call home anyway
some people will say I'm crazy singin out loud like I do here on the street

when I got A song I sing it out loud and if you don't like that my friend
well I'm gonna say to you
Bye bye black sheep
black sheep of the family
Bye bye black sheep how that means so much to me
Bye bye to my friends and to my family
bye bye black sheep goin off and set my soul set it free..."


Take your time and excuse yourself from where you don't fit. If you don't know quite how to do that, just tell them that you have to poop.

What Say This Paradigm Shift?!

Ahhh...The tipping point has been reached. We are doing a "new thing" as a human species and it is both awesome and discombobulating!

Years ago I was working in a nursing home. I loved my job there. I created and facilitated activities. There was a Christian Chaplain there who would work with the residents and offered some services.

One day I was standing next to a new resident who had come from Norway. She was a large hardy woman and she spoke no English. Her family flew her to the United States to take care of her. She was in a wheelchair. She was sobbing and crying as I walked by her, so I stopped. She looked up at me and then reached out to touch my white dress. She pulled the skirted part to her face and blew her nose in it. I didn't care. What was the value of a dress that could be washed relative to the value of being present for a woman who was suffering so greatly. As this woman blew her nose and wiped her eyes in my dress, I turned slightly to see the chaplain looking at me, almost in shock. Our eyes met, and then he scurried away.

A few weeks later just he and I were at a lunch table in the employee cafeteria.

"I saw what you did for Mrs. (X)", he noted to me. I acknowledged that he was talking to me while I kept eating. He continued speaking, "That was a very Christian thing to do, but you're not Christian are you?"

I felt very comfortable with this man as well as with the religious association that I was an active part of at that time. "I am a Unitarian Universalist", I shared with him.

He began talking to me about his experiences and all of his learning. He told me why everything he discovered had brought him to confirm Christianity. I told him that everything I had learned brought me to confirm the mystery and as a UU I could continue the discovery in a very expansive, open way.

Our conversation was both meaningful and pointless. Finally he told me that because he liked me so much, he wanted me to be saved. If I could accept Jesus as my one and only Savior then I could be saved. I could feel his genuine love and concern for me. I felt honored and cared for because this man wanted me to experience safety, eternal freedom, and extreme love. I thanked him sincerely for wanting me to be saved. This seemed to frustrate him even more. I authentically acknowledged his loving offering, even though I wasn't going to participate in his system's criteria. We ended the lunch in this way:

Alan the Chaplain: "I don't understand this. You are walking away happy with out conversation. You feel good because I care about you and you understand that. You enjoyed our conversation and you feel great about everything."
Me: "Yes, that sounds about right."
Alan the Chaplain: " But I am frustrated and sad that you won't accept Jesus. I am leaving here feeling worse then when I came in. All day today this is going to bother me. "
Me: "Yes, that seems true."

And then we parted ways to go back to work.

This is the new paradigm reality. Systems are no longer going to keep us limited nor do we have to qualify our value by external systems. Those people attached strongly to any system are going to feel sad and frustrated. People who can live in the open mystery and yes, fly by the seat of their pants, are going to enjoy life and be happy. The new paradigm shift says, "Be Happy".

This chaplain was having great difficulty accepting me and my behaviors in a free form. He had to find some way to explain me through the system in which he had chosen to fully engage with...the lens through which he saw the world.

This has happened to me often. As someone who was diagnosed as "hyperactive" at age three, it is very difficult for me to stay confined in any way. It is also difficult for me to filter myself and not talk about systems and programs that try to keep me or others confined! This is why I am very excited for this new paradigm!

WE ARE WALKING AWAY FROM THE CONFINEMENT OF SYSTEMS! This does not mean that there is no order or sense of community. This simply means that the brainwashing, the hiding one's true self, the hierarchy, and abusive power over others is finally getting the boot! SEE YA!!!

I remember when the "consensus" process came in as a way of decision making. This is different than voting with a majority ruling getting its way. Consensus is about discussion, collaboration, and listening. There are two ways to block a decision that is made through consensus - preference and principle. If a group of people is ordering a pizza and they decide on a sausage pizza, someone can block that decision on preference, which is that they are okay with sausage however, they would prefer ham. In this case, the group would revisit and ask if this person would be okay with sausage, acknowledging that ham is his or her first choice. The other way that a decision can be blocked is by principle. For example, if someone was a vegetarian, and even if he or she was one of twelve people and all eleven wanted sausage, he or she can block that decision by stating that he or she is a vegetarian.  On principle, he or she cannot eat sausage. The group would then probably chose a vegetarian pizza or work together to make sure the vegetarian was satisfied by ordering specific appropriate food for her or his needs. The majority doesn't win and neither do the bullies- Just loving thoughtful inclusive collaboration. New Paradigm here we come!

People of all ages are choosing to be happy. We no longer want to feel crappy about ourselves because we don't meet some standard of criteria from a system; not thin enough, not smart enough, not enough money, not in rhythm enough, not fast enough, not wearing the right shoes. We have rebelled and we will continue rebelling. Our happiness is not contingent on the acceptance of an external system created out of fearful control of the masses. We don't need to be controlled, we need to be free!  Our woundedness is what what makes us do hurtful things in society and our woundedness comes from a punishing society. So we are all walking away. 

What does this Paradigm shift say? It says don't be disgusted with yourself, or ashamed, or embarrassed. It says to seek joy, and authenticity, and love. It says rejoice in who you are and in who others are. It catapults us into the revolution of speaking the truth to come together, not tear us apart. The new paradigm builds us up, it does not destroy the unique beauty of who we are.

The new paradigm shift says that this is the time of the Happiness Revolution! The Revolution of the Spirit!

We are doing this thing! Hop aboard! It is the only real thing going!

How Do I Elfing Love Myself?

That is the question that I hear the most. "I know that I can't love someone else if I don't love myself first. I know that loving myself is the most important thing to do...but I have no idea where or how to start!!"

Well, in 1987 author Chery Hartman and illustrator R.W. Alley wrote some "Elf-Help" books.

1. Trust Yourself. You know what you want and need.

Hmmm..Is this true?  Dear little Trust Yourself Elf, You Know What You Want and Need,

Yeaya, like that was a good idea!!

Um, no. No I don't. In fact I have no idea what I want and need. Sometimes I think I want and need a big honkin' crappy candy bar. Or maybe a few hours of brain numbing television. Or to go back into an old crummy one sided relationship. Or maybe for some, going out to throw back a few...that turns in to too many. Sometimes I think an entire bag of Cape Cod potato chips is what I want and need. Some people think they want and need a few hours of abusive exercise. Maybe it is a call to that emotionally abusive parent...just to check in.

How the heck are we suppose to even know what we want and need? And that is number one of the Elfing Wisdom?!

Well, I think we are suppose to find out. I think maybe our Elf friends are trying to say that maybe we should give ourselves some time, and space, and opportunity to try to trust ourselves and find out what we want and need. Just try.

I took little Mr. Trust Yourself Elf to task when I planned a trip to Colorado in the summer of 2011. I decided that I wanted to see what I would do if I was alone on a trip. Sure I could arrange, organize, motivate, and facilitate a week long trip for twenty teenagers with minimal time to plan. That was simple.

I would figure out what the point of the trip was, what experiences might these youth want to have, and throw in Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligence Theory to plan diverse activities.http://www.literacyworks.org/mi/assessment/findyourstrengths.html

Now what about a trip for me?! What was the point of my trip? Well, I thought I ought to go on a trip alone with no one else, just to see what would happen. I wanted to get brave alone and not in a role as a mother, partner, teacher, chaperone, adviser, or coach. Just "me", right, Trust Yourself Elf?

Booking the trip was easy and I had people to visit at the end of the trip down in New Mexico. I did not totally leave myself open to a full trip alone with myself, which was a very good thing.

I flew into Denver and after baggage claim and car rental work, I made my way to the hotel. My GPS directed me soundly to the place. I checked in and went to my room. Once in my room I unpacked and got settled in, which took me all of about ten minutes. And there I was. Okay, now. There I was, in a hotel room, in Denver, Colorado, on my grand big girl adventure. Hhhmmmm....

Well, hhhmmmmm....

Okay....hmmmmm.....

Ahhh...hhhhhmmm...grand adventure...you can start at any time!!

Truth was: I had absolutely no idea how to choose what to do with my time; there were no children to figure out how to meet their needs, there was no social action mission trip agenda, there was no sports to play, no "Plimouth Plantation" to see as a class field trip. I was lost. Completely, utterly, empty of any thoughts and devoid of any ability to take a next step. This was an entirely new experience for me as I like to run things. I can run anything - spaghetti dinners, fundraisers, interfaith youth group parties, parent and teacher associations. That is what I do...I run things. I plan and execute things. I make things happen, by golly!

And there I sat. Empty brained and alone in Denver Colorado...for three days.

I finally motivated myself enough to go downstairs and grab some of those tourist brochures from the racks. There was also one of those thick magazines that was all about what to do in Denver and the surrounding areas. Well, that would keep me busy, and seemed awfully smart of a thing to do. I would sit on my bed and learn about Denver and pick some very cool and fun things to do for myself. Yes, me, just me.

Three hours later I had circled, underlined, and rewritten on the hotel pad a large selection of possible activities for myself. There were a few museums, and art galleries, and some shops that were of interest.

Five hours after that I had circled, underlined, and rewritten on another hotel pad a smaller selection of possible activities for myself.

While in Denver, Colorado, I visited a botanical garden and ate at two different restaurants. That was about all I could muster.

Happily I left Denver, and drove miles through a raging black fire cloud into Taos, New Mexico. The rest of my trip was filled with meeting new people and enjoying many new adventures, in the company of others.

So how do I Elfing love myself? How do any of us Elfing love ourselves? We take ourselves away from all we know and start finding out what we want and what we need. And then we trust ourselves to start making those things happen...for us.

Trust is As Trust Does....

On Saturday morning I woke up concerned about the hike I was leading for the Vision Quest crew. In July 2013 I will be supporting 6 people on their Vision Quest up in Highland Plantation Maine. (more about that in a future blog) In preparation for this very important life experience, I am taking the group on monthly mountain hikes. Our February hike on Little Mt. Monadnock had to be cancelled due to extreme real feel temperatures of below zero and a fierce wind chill factor. It seemed essential that this trip hike on Saturday happened.

Due to the incoming media-blitzed winter storm projected for Saturday afternoon, I knew I had to choose a hiking trail fairly close by. Mt.Wachusett was the best plan, even though I had limited experience on it. I stayed in the south shore area Friday night, so I was up and driving early Saturday morning to get home on time to meet the crew. I wondered about the incoming storm, the current trail conditions, and the ease of identifying the correct trail. I did not want to be irresponsible in taking a group of people into a storm on a mountain trail system that I was unfamiliar with. I also wanted to be as responsible as possible by choosing a hike that was close enough to home base that we could get out and drive home safely during this snow storm.

Mt. Wachusett matched the need for close proximity to home base, however I was concerned about us getting caught in a snow squall and me not being able to navigate us out, as I did not have a practiced experience of these trails. I did have a trail map and these hikes are well documented. I realized that the trail that I had outlined might not have been the best trail once I saw the darkening sky on my drive home. It was a sky that told one that any outdoor adventure needed to be surrounded with high alert attention. Cloud movement, wind directions, shifting precipitation, and quickly changing temperatures all needed to be felt, watched, and accessed during the entire hike. I needed a challenging trail for the group and yet one that we could readily use to quickly get off the mountain when conditions warranted it. As I drove along thinking in my mind, I began to see an outline.

I am not familiar with the trails on Wachusett, so I had no memory of an alternative trail to the one I chose before I knew about the projected storm. In my mind I saw the shape and approximate location of a trail, and I felt confident that it would be the one. I asked myself and the Universe at large about whether Wachusett was the right place. I felt my answer.

Mt. Wachusett was the mountain for the hike, however I was not to lead the group. I understood that the group was to lead itself. I knew that felt right but my ego brain wanted to resist. To the best of my knowledge, the people in the group had never done a winter hike and some of them had not gone hiking in years. Therefore, the addition of a winter storm concerned me. 

As the group gathered at my house and finished preparations for the hike, I found myself alone in my den. I looked over the trail map again and the planned hiking route, unsure of how this would play out. Trust was the base of this important part of the Vision Quest preparation. I was zipping my day pack when one of the Vision Questers came into the den, diverting my attention with hilarious bantering. During our lighthearted exchange, this VQ participant spontaneously told me that Mt. Wachusett was home. It turns out that this one person in the group had spent extensive time on the mountain trails, steeped in its energy! Ahh...Wachusett was the correct hiking mountain and the group would lead the way!!!

I pulled out the trail map that had the highlighted trail that I had planned, but was not comfortable with under the current snow storm watch.  As it turned out, this person had been looking at the trail map the night before and concluded that the Mountain House Trail would be best. As this beautiful brilliant person told me this, I looked at the route and realized it was exactly what I had seen in my mind on my drive that morning! I looked it over a few times, expressing my astonishment, "Yes...yes...that is a perfect route. Yes...Mountain House is just perfect...yes...that is the one!"

There I was in my den, on my knees, almost done zipping up my pack, when all residue of concern and fear was blown away. Trust confirmed itself in that moment as I sat, almost dumbfounded, with a powerful Mt. Wachusett Wood Sprite!

Trust is as trust does. With such gratitude, I was humbly surrounded by Trust that day. And in kind, Trust was there for me when I offered my being to believe in it...even just a  little.

Let today be a first day for us to begin to trust ourselves, others, Spirit, Creator, God, the collective consciousness, Good Orderly Direction, and the unfolding Soul energy of Perfect Balance and Harmony. Take a walk on the trust side of the street and allow amazing things to happen!